Reasons Why:

5 REASONS WHY I DISLIKE HAVING NEIGHBORS

Living in a neighborhood where all the houses are closely knit together due to the STUPID layouts, drawn up by the TERRIBLE architects, is sometimes the worst thing ever. Or if you live in an apartment complex, you may find yourself in an awkward situation due to thin walls. I'm pretty sure you know what I'm talking about there so I will not elaborate. If not, just you wait... *Shudders* Don't get me wrong, neighbors may not necessarily be the worst thing that could happen to you. In fact, your neighbors could end up being your best friends. Or you might end up living next to that nice little, old lady who bakes you cookies just because you happen to remind her of her favorite grandchild. That, my friends, would be an absolute joy.

I have not experienced lovely grandmothers who make their neighbors feel like part of the family. So far, while being on my own, I have only been graced with neighbors who are loud and rowdy and they all quite possibly disliked my sweet and sunny disposition. (Which is something I usually don't encounter). Perhaps I'm that old lady who welcomes the neighborhood with open arms. I may not be a grandmother but I do enjoy baking, A LOT, and I am attracted to vintage clothing and rocking chairs. I pretty much do all the cleaning in the house and I try to brighten up my roommates' days whenever I have the chance. The only difference between me and a fifties housewife? Well, I would much rather not be subordinate to a man. Plus, I do not have a man. (Nor do I need one... But that is besides the point).

 Neighbors can either be a blessing or far from it. At the moment, mine don't bother me much anymore but a lot of craziness was dealt with when I first moved in. To say the least, it wasn't the least stressful thing in the world. Now, I don't really talk much with anyone around my house except for the occasional "Hello!" when I'm out walking Westley. Everyone seems very cordial, but there are just some days when I just want to rip my hair out and give some people a piece of my mind. It's not just here... The Highlands were probably the worst apartments to live in. EVER. Except... I loved my roommates there and we are now good friends. So that was certainly a blessing. But those other college kids around us were crazy and stereotypical and I hate them.

Although I have moved on from the apartments riddled with partiers whose IQ score matches their shoe size, situations with neighbors can still be annoying at times. What makes me slightly angrier at these situations, however, is the fact that my current neighbors are full grown adults. (And their child, but he doesn't really cause any problems, so I don't consider him as a contribution to my anger). Even then, it's not the wife. She's pretty nice and cool, as far as I'm concerned. But her husband is the source of many problems that I would much rather not deal with. He's a cooky character who happens to be drunk whenever I happen to see him. He's even worse than

1. Karaoke parties aren't exactly the coolest party in the world but they sure can be noisy. And not fun to listen to, espeically when your neighbors aren't exactly world class singers. While I do not condemn them for their lack of perfect pitch, I do wish that they wouldn't turn everything up so loudly. It's not like there is any outside noise that they must drown out. We live around old people who are generally quiet. (Except when provoked, of course). I thought that I had left the days where the world around me was shaking due to a riveting bass line... but apparently, I'm doomed forever to endure the parties.

2. While it's true that I've had my fair share of encounters with drunk people since becoming a college student, that doesn't mean that I'm now extremely comfortable with associating with people who are wasted. Especially when it is someone you've talked to a maximum of ten times and who is many, MANY years older than you. You expect to be on friendly terms with your neighbors but until they have become your actually friends, I don't think it's appropriate for them to knock on your door, while drunk, and ask you to come sing karaoke with them. Perhaps it is alright to invite your neighbors to your home whilst sober, but slurring your words while holding a beer isn't exactly what I'd call impressive.

3. They can be scary. Especially when they jokingly tell you that they are planning to murder you. (At least... I hope they were joking). While I don't think they would have a reason to kill me, unless I made them really angry for some reason, it's still makes me very uneasy to think that his joke could be a cover for some truly dark ulterior motives. I pray every night that my fears are silly but I can't help but jump at every bump in the night, thinking that he's at my window with a knife or something. (Yeah... I know that this post just got really dark all of a sudden and I apologize. I can't help that my neighbor says creepy things. Just think about how I feel!!) I try to take a little comfort in the fact that the man's wife was there and was completely horrified at what he said. She told him, "You don't say things like that!" and tried to make me feel a little better. However, who is to say that it wasn't a cover up?

   
4. Now, I know that the recession has been extremely hard on Americans, yet I  still don't believe it's right to try and swindle your college-aged neighbors out of money. Look, I know that they are in need of money and I feel terrible about all that, but I honestly don't have any moolah to spare. I work to pay for rent, gas and school. And sometimes food... when I don't have enough money, I don't eat. (At least, not much). I already have enough stress in my life without my neighbors banging down the door, angry that some of my weeds grew into their yard. They claimed that this was against the rules of the gated community and though I am all up for keeping the place looking spiffy, I do not believe that they would charge you a fifty dollar fine because of them. I may not know much about how this place work, but it seems to me like they would give out a courtesy warning like they do with everything else. 

5. They confuse you with your other roommate and start yelling at you and make you cry. Or they just see that you're you and then make you cry. Although this has only happened once, and when we first moved into the house, I would not be surprised if it happens again. Of course, this time around I will be much better at handling their craziness. It'll take a lot more than yelling at me because of unruly weeds to make me shed a few tears. However, please don't take that as a challenge if you're my neighbor and you happen to be reading this. Can't we all be nice to each other? I know this post may seem a bit mean, but I honestly don't think that my neighbors are mean people. Just a tad silly. I truly don't hate them... but some of the things they do aren't desirable qualities for any person to have. 

Courage

 COURAGE IS FEAR THAT HAS SAID ITS PRAYERS

I tried being brave today, but unfortunately, it didn't get my anywhere. I stepped out of my comfort zone and spoke with an adorable guy whom I believed to be kind and understanding. Boy, was I wrong. Although he wasn't rude, he wasn't exactly what you'd call nice. He was fine talking with me about homework and was glad that I had some answers to his questions, but as soon as another girl walked in, it was as if I had never existed. I probably couldn't have felt more awesome and worth something at that moment. My confidence dwindled along with my positive attitude. I was already exhausted due to a late evening working on my CH paper, so it was easy for my mood to descend to the depressing depths.

Okay, okay... that sounded really dramatic. More dramatic than it needed to be, at least. I could actually care less about what this kid thought about me, now that I've been stewing over this for the past few hours. I think the disappointment resulted more from the fact that I had created such a polite image of him in my head, and he wrecked it. Sure, maybe he was having an off day, or didn't even realize his rudeness towards me. Or perhaps it was all a misunderstanding in my mind. I tend to go off the deep end when these situations occur. I over analyze every little detail and end up interpreting them completely wrong. Although this could be the case, I still can't fight off all of the disappointment.

I just want to be brave. I want to be able to talk to some guy that I may find attractive and have him like me back. I am freakin' adorable. Sure, sure... I may not try my hardest to look picture perfect every day but at least I don't use make up to basically lie about my appearance. I am honest, fun to be around, and hilarious. When this kid didn't even give me the time of day, especially after I gave him a compliment, I was a little peeved, to say the least. What gives him the right to just blow me off like that? Honestly, although this might sound cliche, it's definitely his loss. I tried to be nice and he just wasn't having it... I can take my nice words elsewhere and I know that they will be appreciated. There are so many people out there just waiting for a compliment to brighten their days.

As I'm writing about this, though it may not be a very interesting blog post, I have come to realize something. Life is too short to be scared of things. If you never try to talk to someone or try new things, you will never know if something good will come out of it. Sure, there are consequences to every action but are you really living if you keep saying 'No' to everything. I want to be a yes man. :P If you want to talk to someone cute, just do it. If they happen to turn you down, there are plenty of other people who would gladly accept your attention and love you right back. If you are scared to do something that you normally do not do, you just have to remember that if you never try, you'll never know what you could be missing. This activity could be your natural talent... it could be the thing that brings you the most joy out of life. Who knows!?

Let's all be a little braver in our lives. Let's live life to the fullest and make every day count!!
<3

Nevada Crushes

NEVADA CRUSHES

I HATE YOU, YET I LOVE YOU.

This post probably won't be of any importance or even interesting for that matter. I am just in need of a big ol', long rant. I will apologize beforehand and pray that you won't leave my blog with the bitter taste of disgust in your mouth. I would be very depressed if I did anything to offend my lovely readers, but honestly, this post shouldn't be that bad. At least, as I'm writing this disclaimer, I feel as if it could actually be really funny. However, the only way you'll find out is if you stick around. I'll try to make it worth your time. :)

 So... Nevada Crushes has become a pretty popular page on Facebook, where people post anonymous messages to their crushes at UNR because they don't have the guts to do it in person. (ORRR... they don't know who the person is but they still want to admire their beauty over the internet). On a good day, I will be quite accepting of the page and even take the time to like a few of the posts they have on there. Heck, a few of them are really sweet and even hilarious! Yet, at times... I can get very frustrated with what's happening on the page. Not that any of it's bad... I'm just a fun-sucker, trying to ruin everyone's good time, I suppose.

Many would claim that I do not approve of the page because I've never had anything written about me. I suppose that would be a valid point. As much as I would love for someone to write a nice comment about me... I would much rather that compliment be told to me in person, (to my face!) so I could thank the person and get to know them better. Sure, it's nerve wracking to gain the courage to talk to a ridiculously good looking person, such as myself, but if it's really meant to be then the moment of fear is totally worth it. In all actuality, I believe that social media is hindering our generation. As a whole, our social skills have gone down the toilet, compared to our mothers' and fathers' generation. We communicate largely through Facebook and e-mail, finding it troubling to speak face to face with one another. It's quite sad.

Of course, I am definitely one of these people whose social skills has been affected. I have noticed this recently and I wish that I had grown up in the good ol' days where social confrontation was inevitable. Sure, I go out and am extremely friendly, talkative and fun to be around. These adjectives only describe me whilst I'm securely tucked away into my comfort zone with friends or people that I'm around daily. When it comes to talking to other people that I may view as 'out of my league' or 'unapproachable,' I freeze up and refuse to say hello, fearing that I may do something uber embarrassing. As you may know, I'm filled with a lot of anxiety from time to time, so when I do not have a sense of comfort surrounding my relationship with the individual (they're a music major, they're from my home town, etc...), I do not go out of my way to be social. I curl up in the fetal position and mentally shame myself for being a coward.

For the past few days, I have been going down this path over and over again, each day more terrible than the last. While performing in the opera, Suor Angelica, this weekend, I have come to realize that one of the guys who plays in the orchestra is utterly adorable. I won't give many details because most of you probably already know about the situation, since I can't get my mouth to stay shut, and I also don't want to make this more awkward than I've already made it. (Which is pretty dang awkward, I must admit). Anyway, you would think that it would be quite simple to go up to this guy and say, 'Hi, my name is Nicole. You orchestra people are just great... Do you like playing in the show?' or something to that effect... Striking up a conversation shouldn't be that difficult. That is, unless you're me and you come up with scenarios in your head that cause you to be way too nervous to talk normally to people.

As soon as I got it in my head that this boy was attractive, I froze up whenever he came into the room. Inside my mind I started freaking out, thinking irrational thoughts such as: "I'm way too nerdy for this boy's liking." or "I'm the most awkward individual ever....," which honestly aren't true. I was making assumptions about this guy before I even said two words to him. Due to those thoughts that I had conjured up, I came up with some crazy unattainable persona for this kid and therefore couldn't even utter two words to him. Every time he came my way or happened to look in my general direction, I got the deer in the headlights look. It was probably seriously too attractive for people to handle.

I know I digress... but it all kind of goes together. My social skills aren't very good at times and honestly, I believe that social networking sites can make this a lot worse than it needs to be. While Nevada Crushes is a great way to make someone's whole day and can even bring two folks together, it also perpetuates our society's refusal to deal with confrontation. We hide behind computers instead of being bold and giving compliments to those people whom we like. Why don't we break the cycle? Nevada Crushes will most likely lose it's popularity in a few weeks anyway, but going up to the person you like and giving them a simple compliment will never lose it's style. Plus, I've been told that it's somewhat safe and won't kill you. ;) I vow to be braver and I hope that we both will eventually see how awesome we are! We got this. We can talk to people, no problem.

:)

Reasons Why:

10 REASONS PROVING THAT NEW GIRL IS BASED ON MY LIFE

1. Zooey Deschanel is basically my twin. Countless people have informed me of this fact and I can easily verify their claims by looking in the mirror. They're very much correct in saying we look alike. I mean, look at us:

The resemblance is uncanny. We both have brown hair and bangs. And faces with eyes, a nose and a mouth. Oh and I'm pretty sure that we both have the longest, most beautiful eyelashes in all the land. We could easily be related! (It's a wonder that more people do not mistake us for sisters, but I could understand why they wouldn't even try to ask me. If I turned out to be her sister, think about how embarrassing that situation would be for them! They'd make fools of themselves because of my famous relation). Sure, she has blue eyes and I have green eyes, but that is only a minor difference. Other than that, I'm sure you wouldn't be able to tell us apart if we stood side by side. It would be like when some of the celebrities have those wax figures made in their image... Except I'm the more animated one, so she'd be like the wax figure. (I know I wouldn't be able to stand that still).

2. The character, Jessica Day, uses baking as a way to distract herself. I happen to do the same exact thing... Baking helps you to put all those unresolved feelings to rest for a moment and allows everything to be sugary sweet. Focusing on recipes is much more satisfying than running around your home, throwing your unbalanced emotions-- whether good or bad-- at your poor, unsuspecting roommates. Plus, instead of ruining your friendships with those people with tears or gossip, you strengthen it by making them delicious cookies. They will love you forever. Or at least, until the next bout of depression or intense anger fests.

3. Jessica Day is probably the most awkward individual I've ever encountered, aside from myself. Yet,this awkwardness is found to be quite endearing much like the quirks found in me. We are very outgoing and seem to be confident to people on the outside. However, many times we both end up being the blubbering idiot who watches Dirty Dancing seven to eight times a day for a few weeks. Well... only if we are in a really terrible, sad mood. If not, we typically opt for a more hilarious chick flick like Bridesmaids. Or we just entertain ourselves with our own jokes 'cause we're pretty dang funny.

4. The two of us have really healthy relationships with food. We both had our awkward stages during adolescence where we gained a few pounds and weren't exactly the most normal kids of the bunch. Buuuut... those times caused us to gain a lot of character which makes the two of us more interesting than your average bear. It seems as if Jess has grown out of her problem with food, so that gives me some hope for the future. Maybe one day I will be able to resist the temptation of cheesy potatoes...

Just kidding. I seriously doubt that.

5. We sing to ourselves. A lot. And we also sing in awkward situations. And in happy situations. And especially in depressing situations.

 

6. Jess and I would probably wear dresses every day if we could. I mean, isn't that how everyone else in this world feels? Dresses are just so comfortable! You get a little bit of a breeze if it's too hot, and you just look super cute and put together, no matter where you are heading. Sure, you have to shave your legs and put in a little extra effort at times to coordinate your accessories, but it is certainly worth all the compliments. Or even one compliment, for that matter! 99% of the time, Jessica Day is in a dress. I would definitely like to work up to this figure but A) I live in Reno where it snows in April and B) I need to make more money in order to buy enough dresses to wear every day of the week. One day... one day...

7. Who likes to do impressions? Jessica Day and I both do! While I impress people with my impeccable Smeagol impersonation, I am still learning how to be like other fun characters. Jessica is very advanced with her impressions and even steps it up a notch when she makes her own costumes. A list of her best characters would most likely be, Thanksgiving Turkey - #1 and then Random Zombie - #2. I hope to someday reach her level of professionalism and talent. 

8. We both fall for really interesting guys. And by interesting, I mean TERRIBLE. While I tend to fall for guys who don't even care for me, Jess kind of does the same thing but actually sleeps with them. That may or may not be her first problem right there. However, at the same time, we are similar in the fact that we both put our whole hearts into something, especially relationships because we would like to have that awesome love reciprocated. Then, time after time, the guys we choose to give our hearts to, take our hearts, break them in half and set them on fire without any mercy. Yes, I hear what you are saying... "Go for the nice guys!" And we try. We do like the nice guys. At first... then we get all awkward with that real commitment stuff and don't feel good enough. Then we sabotage ourselves. 'Tis fun.

9. Did I mention that both of us aren't exactly great in the romance department? Regardless of our deep desire to have a nice, well working, normal relationship with a guy, we tend to sabotage ourselves when getting involved with really awesome men. We get awkward, whether it be physically or  when we turn into weird people who make random animal noises at the most inopportune times. We tend to say really random statements and half the time, we don't even know where our brains are taking our mouths. It's not only embarrassing for ourselves, but to everything around us. We just are really phenomenal human beings who know how to be cool, okay? 

10. Jessica Day loves Nancy Drew fan-fiction. I love Nancy Drew. (Just ask my best friend, Genevieve King. She can validate this!) Coincidence? I THINK NOT!

Seriously... Nancy Drew is the freakin' bomb. She solved every case she's ever stumbled upon... SUCK ON THAT!!

Anger Issues

DO I HAVE ANGER ISSUES?

AND OTHER HARD-HITTING QUESTIONS

If I feel like punching people in the face from time to time, does that mean I have anger issues? 

I have wondered about this for some time, especially after this feeling started to occur more frequently. Perhaps I am dealing with more infuriating individuals or could it possibly be that my patience has been wearing thin? I honestly am not quite sure what the the problem is. I feel as though I'm typically an extremely calm individual with patience comparable to that of my grandmother, who worked in a daycare for at least 15 years and has 9 grandchildren. Yet... I could be wrong in this, seeing that I do not deal with spoiled rotten children who feel entitled to have playtime at every hour of the day. I imagine that these children are much like Godzilla in the sense that they leave a path of death and destruction in their wake.

Many times, the anger comes slowly. Every time someone says something rude or unnecessary, fuel is added to the fire and before you know it, the small flame has nearly turned into a wildfire. I'm not generally an angry person but certain personalities get on my nerves. Some examples of these types of people would be: People who feel entitled, people who talk badly about others all the time, people who are dramatic and believe everyone is out to get them, people who are dirty, people who think they are hot s*** but really aren't, people who cut down everyone around them in order to feel better and last but certainly not least, people who only care about themselves. I know that you would most likely agree that these personality traits are less than desirable and that I'm not at all wrong for disliking them. So... in all actuality, I do not believe that I have anger issues. I just believe that I'm surrounded by idiots from time to time.

Should I wear pants today?   

Oh... that age old question. I'm positive that everyone and their mother has asked themselves this question at one point in their life. When you are comfortable at home, unless you have roommates, there is no reason to wear pants. Pants are unnecessary until you have to be a real human being and go out into the world. If you do not have to do anything, however, I suggest that you don't even bother getting ready. Be a scum bag... no one will be there to judge you for it. That is, unless you have really judgmental pets.... which I could understand. My dog Westley looks at me with a peculiar expression if I try to leave the house looking like a bum. He just doesn't understand!

I put Google to good use today and stalked that cute boy from one of my classes. Does that make me a creep?

Now I don't do this a lot. And I've only looked up this guy once because I couldn't find him on Facebook. Still... I feel as if using Google in this way is sort of really weird, especially when I've only talked to this person a few times. What was I even expecting to find when I put his name in a search engine? I know that I was hoping for only good things, obviously, but what would I do with that information when I found it? I couldn't exactly use it to make conversation with him because then he would know that I stalked him. He would certainly fall in love with me then, I believe.

Unfortunately, I did not find any information on this elusive fellow. I suppose he doesn't want any friends if he doesn't have a Facebook or even a Myspace... Talk about a sad life. Just kidding. In all actuality, this probably means that he's a really busy guy who has no need for the distractions of social networking sites. I know that I would be a lot more productive if I didn't worry so much about how many updates or likes I get on FB. Maybe instead of trying to stalk this guy, I should actually talk to him. Of course, that would involve some effort and confidence. Do I have either of those things? Another hard hitting question for another day, I suppose.

How did I get peanut butter on my face?

You would think that this question would come about when I was eating something with peanut butter in it. You couldn't be further from the truth... When I asked myself this question a few days ago, I had not come into contact with the delicious spread for at least a few hours. Even then, I could have sworn that I had washed the remnants of the peanut-y goodness off of my hands before packing my usual PB and Banana sandwich into my bag and heading to school. I suppose it was probably on my face all day since that moment. That is definitely not embarrassing at all!

Does Fruity Pebbles count for a serving of fruit? 

This question typically occurs when I'm low on food and have yet to make it to the grocery store. I've been trying to eat healthier but sometimes, I just cannot resist the enchanting call that the Fruity Pebbles sing. Especially when it's the only thing in the house that is edible... I honestly believe that anything with the word fruit in the title should contain at least one serving of real life fruit. That would make my life a whole lot simpler and I wouldn't feel so bad for eating a whole box of cereal. If there was actually fruit in Fruity Pebbles, I would be one healthy college student. I could fuel my addiction for the snack and it wouldn't be considered a bad habit. I wouldn't be called a fat kid for stuffing my face with those jewel toned crispies. My life would seriously be complete.

Empowerment

SO EMPOWERED RIGHT NOW. 

 

 

Praise the Lord, Jesus! It finally seems as if things are looking up in this world! :) The past day and a half have been so surprisingly wonderful that I can hardly believe it. But... I'm choosing to believe it and I will accept the awesomeness and not let this beautiful feeling go away. EVER!! Instead of riding on the verge of depressing, I would much rather be super, crazy, busy and do the many things that I love with a happy heart. To be honest, I do not think I could handle that funk I was in for much longer. It was getting too stuffy and quite frankly, a bit stinky. Now I can finally get on with my life, thanks to this new found motivation and sense of empowerment.

I know what you're wondering. What on Earth happened to make you so happy and so empowered? Well, a couple of things went delightfully well, actually! First off, last night I was elected into an executive position in my music fraternity (and yes you read that right -- Fraternity!). It was the position I had been vying for since last semester so finally achieving the goal of being elected was freakin' amazing! Then another smaller, yet still important, thing happened today in Sight Singing class. If you don't know what that is... basically we learn how to look at a piece of music and hear the correct notes in our heads. We then have to sing the right notes, without being sharp or flat, in front of the whole class and teacher for our semester test. I have been putting this test off since the first day we began taking it. I even pretended to be sick (And Dr. Ehrke, if you are reading this... I'm sorry. I was scared). Today was the last day to take the test and although there weren't many people in class, it is still nerve wracking. Yet, when it was my turn to belt it out, I ended up doing a lot better than I thought and nearly nailed down those musical phrases. 

HECK YES!!

I know that to many people these small successes wouldn't be of much importance. Yet to me, right now in the midst of all the craziness, it just makes me so happy that I was able to pass. ESPECIALLY with a good grade! And to be able to serve my fraternity as an elected official makes me BEYOND excited for next year. Yet, also at the same time I am very scared that I will mess up... but I know everything will be okay because I have my Sisters watching out for me. I am so thankful for the opportunities I am receiving and I just pray that I can make the most out of them. God has certainly blessed my life and I can't help but be so grateful. I've got to keep working and make sure to never back down!

 Now, I hope that things continue in this upward motion... Otherwise, the Hulk might need to go on a little rampage.

Life Coach Needed

HELLO.

I NEED A LIFE COACH.

OR A SLAVE.

OR SOMETHING!

There comes a time in every college kid's life where skipping meals becomes a regular habit as laziness begins to outweigh the need for food. All of you college aged kids who live on your own know what I am talking about, I'm sure. I must admit that a few months ago, I hit rock bottom and ended up living on canned peaches and corn for nearly three days. I'm pretty positive there are some of you out there who have lived on a lot less and more interesting food items than I, but the corn and peach fiasco was the end of the line for me. I enjoy food too much to limit myself like that and let laziness get the better of me. 

Even though I would rather not stock up on Top Ramen like the typical college student does, I don't exactly do much better when it comes to food. Unfortunately, I pretty much eat pasta and veggies every evening. Sure it takes a little longer and more effort to prepare but honestly, it's not that much more. Luckily it is a lot healthier than Ramen so I don't feel SO bad about my semi-laziness. I am just too lazy to cook real meals with chicken or sauces and spices. For me, that crosses the line and is way too much work. Plus, when I'm hungry, I'M HUNGRY. I don't want to wait thirty or forty minutes to feed my growling belly. In that amount of time I'd probably turn into a hungry, hungry hippo and wreak havoc on the biggest little city, destroying all of those who dare cross my path.

Now this laziness, although not as terrible as it could be, branches out to almost every other area of my life. Schoolwork, friendships... etc... I don't ever want to go out of my way to hang out with friends, though I do when I realize how much that hurts my attitude about life. Honestly, I could do a lot better and be more active. There are so many fun activities that I want to participate in but because of my fear of failure, I just curl up into the fetal position and start wasting the days away. Right now, if I didn't have SAI and church, I probably would be some sad little creature who went to school and work and then came home right away to dwell in the shadows, face covered with chocolate and a deer in the headlights kind of look when forced to associate with the other humans. 

I never used to feel this way. Before college, I would have my procrastination moments frequently but I usually cared too much to let things go unfinished. I almost never received a B in a class unless I absolutely did not understand (because I hated asking for help in order to get better) or if I thought the teacher hated me (I.E. English III Honors with Pongrekun. I am pretty sure those were the worst grades I have ever gotten in an English class... and I loved English before and after taking her class). For the latter, I just stopped trying after she made me feel dumb. My Freshman year of college was a lot more difficult than high school, in many respects, however I did well and nearly got all A's. I enjoyed the classes I was taking and I was learning so much even if the workload was stressful. I went through a lot of changes during the year such as: moving in with my dad and step mom, losing the big group of friends I had in high school and being forced to make new friends, and then also moving out on my own during my second semester of that year. It was loco crazy, to say the least, but definitely worth it!

Although it would seem that things have died down this year (in a way, at least), my attitude towards school and life and EVERYTHING is at many times not very appealing. I can get very negative and I have little motivation to do anything, as I've said before. I end up falling behind in my schoolwork and instead of trying to catch up, I let myself get discouraged and just give up. It is so unlike me that I've been taken over by a state of shock and can't seem to change, no matter how hard I try. Honestly, for a long time, I felt as if I was drowning in all the craziness. I desperately wish that Jullian Michaels or some awesome motivational speaker would just bust through my door one morning and help me get my life together. I was so lazy I couldn't even motivate myself.

That was, until the last few months. Sure, just recently I have been going through a tough time but unlike the beginning of this year, I feel as if things are going to get better. I have been trying to get back on top of the workload and though at times it seems as if I've taken one step forward and two steps back, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm ready to finish up this year on a high note and start feeling positive about my schooling again. I love learning and I'm ready to be a great student and prove to those around me that I am a wonderful role model and I can be successful. And I'd also like to show myself since at times I can be my worst critic. 

Tonight I am telling myself this: "You've got this, Nicole. Don't ever give up!!"

And I would like you to know that you can be successful. You can be happy. Though I may not know exactly who is reading this, I do know that you were created for a purpose. You can find people who support you and who want to see you do great things. You are loved. We are ALL worth something special and we should never ever forget that fact. :) Let's go out into the world and kick butt, okay?

OKAY. :)

Reasons Why:

10 REASONS WHY I'M RIDICULOUSLY ATTRACTIVE

Once in a while I go through these phases where I feel as if everyone around me is in a
 relationship. Though this isn't true, I start to see couples everywhere I go and become thoroughly annoyed. "Why am I not in a relationship?" I ask myself, although I already know the answer. I'm just too gosh darn attractive for most of the guys I encounter. I know that they must be intimidated by all of the awesomeness I possess and I don't blame them... I would be scared of me too. It's sometimes really difficult to be this amazing. So today, I've compiled a list of my best attributes in order to help you to fully understand just how great I am. Feel free to comment with any additions to the list! After learning all these wonderful facts about me, I'm hoping you will feel more comfortable to approach me and be my friend :P

1. Despite my inability to successfully imitate any accent aside from British, I am really, REALLY good at performing impressions of certain movie characters. One of these characters happens to be the always entertaining and forever beautiful Smeagol! Ever since I read the Hobbit in high school, I couldn't help but be terrified but intrigued by his tortured soul. Seriously, it's quite attractive when I bust out in his voice, crouching close the the floor and coveting the nearest ring. When I utter the words, "My Precious..," I'm sure you will break into a fit of passion.

Look at those doe-eyes.

2. Another ladylike and dainty quality that I possess happens to deal with my favorite subject. FOOD! I am pretty positive that I could hold my own in a competitive eating contest. My only stipulation would be that whatever I am eating must taste delicious. I will pretty much give anything new a try as well. Maybe I should create my own Food Network show where I get paid to try and beat food eating contests. Emotional Eater VS. Food.... I could see it happening. And unlike Adam from Man VS. Food, I would NOT lose. I never lose against food.  

I really just love me some food.

 

3. I can dance really, REALLY well. I am about as successful at dancing as a turtle trying to change his name to copy some influential Italian painter from back in the day and becoming a superhero. (In my experience, I don't think that happens very often). My signature dance moves include the Lawnmower, the Night at the Roxbury head bob and of course, the Q-Tip (made famous by the movie Hitch). I also enjoy interpretive dance from time to time. As a friend recently told me, it's quite simple since the basic formula for a successful interpretive dance  is "creating something and then cowering from it". I thought that was spot on and truly explains the sacred art form.

Don't stop believing and never quit dancing!

4. I am really brave in a rash, silly sort of way. I definitely can stand up for myself or be really confident at times but I usually don't plan out how I'm going to react or what I will say. I just kinda go for it if I'm going to talk to someone. Usually, this results in me saying something embarrassing or rambling on and on. Or I end up making a weird face that creeps out everyone in the room, including myself. For many of my bold moments, the latter is the most common occurrence. Along with these faces, weird noises escape me and I have no idea where they come from. It's quite the experience for myself to see how people react to these things. My bravery usually comes in bursts which run out when I need them most and then I just revert back to shy self and feel silly for hours. It's so awesome. 



I'm adorkable.

5. Although the last year has been somewhat tough for me, I always try to look on the bright side of life. In fact, once I do find the slightest bit of positivity, I latch onto this attitude like there is no tomorrow. I become a tad crazy and start complimenting the crap out of the people around me. After leaving all of my really close friends back home and moving out on my own, I don't really hang out with people regularly. When people ARE around, I get so happy and hyper that I have been known to knock over furniture and get really weird. (Though I still swear I cannot recall how that table ended up on the floor, Jessica!)

 Smiling is pretty dang great.

6. Many people are super jealous of my fashion sense. Not many people can pull off sweats and an Avengers T-shirt for any occasion. Usually that type of outfit is strictly for lazy days at home when people will not see you yet I am bold. I take risks. I make statements and I do not follow the crowd. I wear what I want and I make it look really, really ridiculously good looking. I enjoy bargain hunting and shopping at Ross: Dress for Less. Who needs top designers when you can get clothing from Wal-Mart for cheap and then spend the rest of your money on more important things (like the ingredients for cookies!). It is true that I thoroughly enjoy dresses and lookin' girly but until I have a lot more money to spend, my dresses will be on short supply. For now it'll be jeans and t-shirts with the occasional appearance of formal wear for SAI meetings or dates. Even then, you have to be pretty freakin' important for me to wear something nice when I hang out with you.

Blue steel is my signature move but you better watch out for Magnum!

7. You know that thing called maturity? Well... I seem to have stolen all of it from the human race. I'm pretty positive that I am as mature as Shawn Spencer from Psych and he's pretty dang mature. Yeah, I don't like childish things such as Saturday morning cartoons nor do I quote random movies at the most inconvenient times. I do not get really intense about nerf guns, I don't talk to my friends using a lisp and childish lingo and I would much rather sit inside a coffee shop with my hipster glasses than cook delicious snacks in my easy bake oven. I mean, an easy bake oven. I DO NOT OWN AN EASY BAKE OVEN. I own a real oven that cooks real life sized cakes and cookies. But it's also boring and black and does not come with stickers for decoration. :( I also hate everything that is beautiful and wonderful and hilariously fun and just plain great. 'CUZ I'M AN ADULT.

8. Much like a Disney princess, I sing whenever my heart desires. Which is all the time. I guess because I am a music major, this is sort of expected but let's be honest... I've been this way since birth. I cannot go three minutes without some tune popping into my head. And even when I thought that my voice was shot and I had nodes... I still was singing. I just couldn't stop. It's an addiction. A scary amazing and certainly very fun addiction.

Aca-Believe it!

9. I also cry all the time.

 

 

10. And last but certainly not least.... One of the best reasons for why I'm so attractive: I'M A GIRL. I can wear dresses, put flowers in my hair and I am not expected to lift heavy things EVER. I am not judged if I cry in public (at least not too harshly) and I could be a stay at home mom if I wanted to. BUT I don't. So I can go get a job. And be awesome. Although if I was anymore awesome, the world would probably explode. I'm not sure if I want to risk your safety like that! That would just be unkind of me and as you all may know, that's totally not like me. I'm definitely humble and kind. ;)

 I hope that you have enjoyed reading all about the attributes that make me awesome. I know I sure enjoyed writing about them. But on a more serious note... All of you out there, LOVE yourself. All your quirks, all your fears, everything that you can't do right. EMBRACE those qualities because they are the things that make you unique in this world. Even if you may not think that your awkwardness is cute, believe me, the people that are meant to be in your life and be your friend will love you for it. I have had to learn that over and over again during my life. I am so grateful for all of those people and for you, who is taking the time to read my blog. It's truly a blessing :) I hope that you have an AMAZING day and remember to give yourself some love today. You deserve it.

Hello, My Name is Anxiety Girl

HELLO, MY NAME IS... 

ANXIETY GIRL!

 

Oh... Life. For myself and most normal people on the face of this Earth, the twists and turns of living aren't exactly what you would call relaxing activities. Some twists can be great-- Like finding a twenty dollar on the ground! Not only could you pop some tags and wear your grandfather's clothing from the thrift shop but that luck typically causes people to feel invincible throughout the day. You are drawn into a (sometimes false) sense of security as if nothing could bring you down. Yet at other times, the twists aren't too awesome. Recently, I've been feeling as if life has been guiding me down wrong turn after wrong turn. I try to turn on the GPS and figure out where in the heck I am at but the computer-like voice just keeps repeating, "RECALCULATING.... RECALCULATING...!" 

To make matters worse, I am quite possibly the biggest worry wart on the planet. Okay, okay, maybe that's a bit of an overstatement BUT I do worry more than the average twenty year old female.I worry about everything from how people view me to leaving my dog at home for far too long. I worry about the future, like everyone, but I take it to an extreme where I start making myself physically sick over things that have yet to happen. I also do that for the past and constantly replay the events of the day in my mind when I feel as if I did something stupid. That causes me to have no motivation to get anything done because as far as I am concerned, something bad is going to happen anyway.

This has gotta change. I'VE got to change. Not because I'm not awesome, because I am. I just have to let the hilarity flow like chocolate fondue lava. As one of my awesome changes, I am going to start writing more! Writing is a great way to vent in a non-violent way. (Unless I start smacking my head against the keyboard...) Anyhow, I promise to write at least weekly and I also promise to write funny posts. I would rather you laugh your booty off while reading my blog posts instead of needing a whole box of tissues to get through them. I am desperately seeking SUNSHINE, not a pity party. :) So, with that being said, I hope that you join me on this journey to find a good level of happiness and normalcy. I will still always be my weird self but probably with a lot more confidence!

I hope everyone has a superb day because you deserve it!! :)
<3