Flow

WHAT IS GOING WITH THE FLOW?

And how on Earth do I do it?

Okay.

It's not like you've heard about the issues I have with being normal so many times that you've begun to lose count. As we all know, that's a topic I have no interest in dwelling on.

Ha.

If only that were the truth. Then, perhaps, this blog would have a lot more followers.

Oh well.

Another day in the life of Nicole means another day full of uttering weird things that probably make zero sense in the minds of others. I must admit though, I keep even myself on tip toes with all of the silly things that come out of my mouth. However, to be quite honest, I don't believe that's a good thing.

Typically I am around my friends, so the words I say can easily be brushed aside, if too weird, or out of context. Yet lately, I have been spending time with people who make me nervous. The nervous feelings, in turn, cause me to say those odd things more frequently. And people who make me nervous are those with whom I do not spend much time, because well... they make me nervous. Isn't it obvious? These nerve-inducing folks can be anyone from someone I admire to a teacher that scares the pants off of me. I will not tell you which group of people I am dealing with, in case that person is reading. I don't want life to be even more awkward that it already is.

Which I'm pretty sure I've already failed at due to the fact that I included the sentence above.

Ugh.

Anyway, moving on! How in the world do I stop saying weird things? It's not that I don't want to be myself... I really, truly love myself and my quirks, but what I am dealing with isn't just me being silly. It's practically word vomit that cannot be stopped because my brain is not controlling it. In fact, I don't know what is controlling it. Perhaps someone is trying to sabotage my life, and therefore finds a way to put words into my mouth that I do not there. Yes, that makes perfect sense! I'm sure there is some kind of technology available that would allow it to be possible.

Or maybe I'm sabotaging myself? It seems to happen on a frequent basis, and the only variable that stays the same in these relationship equations happens to be me. Maybe subconsciously, I don't want to these people to respect me. Perhaps, deep down, I am so scared of them that I want them as far away from me as possible because I don't want to deal with the fact that they are challenging me to grow.

Nahhhh.... that's definitely not it! :P

Why is life so complicated and yet not complicated at the same time? Human emotions make everything ten times worse! If I could just not feel and become a success-seeking, awesome robot, then I'd be okay. I'm tired of this emotional roller coaster ride!

RANT OVER.

Reasons Why

REASONS WHY 

HOCUS POCUS IS THE 

SCARIEST (BUT STILL THE BEST) 
HALLOWEEN MOVIE  

EVER 

1. These witches aren't the type of magic-wielders that we are used to in this generation. Instead of the soft-spoken, pre Order of the Phoenix Harry Potter that we all know and love, these witches are sour, rude, and to be honest, a big dose of PURE EVIL. I mean, anyone who wants to kill/harm children just to become young again has a bit of a problem. To me, they are even worse than Lord Voldemort. Now he wanted power, so it's no surprise that he started killing people and tried to instill fear in individuals. That is the usual path villains take in order to fulfill their dreams of ruling the world. These gals weren't longing for power and money... They wanted to be beautiful and live forever. And how must they fulfill that wish?

 2. They use song and dance to lure you in... Then they GET YA! To me, this is the cruelest form of deception that I have ever come across. The one thing that I, and many others, love with all their hearts and Winnifred, Sarah and Mary have defiled it! These crazy witches use soothing melodies to lull you into a false sense of security, only then to suck out your life source after making you drink a disgusting (I presume) potion full of toes from a dead man. Perhaps if they weren't so hip and couldn't carry a tune, then this wouldn't be a problem? However, when you've got the vocals of Bette Midler on your side, you know you've got the power to win. 

 3. Now onto the less scary things and onto what makes this Hocus Pocus the best Halloween movie ever made. I've got one word for you that doesn't need much explanation (although I'll give it to you anyway). DANI! The annoying little sister who proves to be absolutely hilarious, adorable and who has a level of sass equivalent to that of an independent black woman who doesn't need no man. She embarrasses Max on many different occasions but to be honest, instead of being thought of as a brat, she should be awarded many cookies. I think that she has every right to make him look like a fool.

Seriously, here she is, eight years old and is totally uprooted from the life that she used to know, to move to Salem. While Max is in the same situation, he doesn't handle it quite as well as Dani does. Sure, we don't know what exactly Max left back home (a lovely lady? his best friend Chuck? his championship chess team that had finally named him captain?) and we can't exactly speculate. However, I just believe that he is just a silly pessimist who needs to learn to appreciate life a little more.

Dani keeps his self-pitying from turning into a bigger problem than it already is. Plus, she's very quick on her feet. Especially when dealing with the paranormal. Love her!

 

 

(I just couldn't help myself! She's too good!)

 4. The black cat is actually a human that was turned into an animal. And he's not bad luck. In fact, he's extremely good luck and makes sure that the witches are sent back to the bottomless black pit where they belong. Zachary Binx is quite possibly the best character in this whole movie, aside from Winnifred Sanderson. I mean, his dashing good looks (whilst human) paired with an incredibly sarcastic sense of humor equals perfection. And although he was turned into the cat and couldn't save his little sister, I believe that he handled those witches quite well. I mean, in the end, the Sanderson sisters were defeated. If you don't call that a success then I hope that you will take it upon yourself and light the black candle. I would love to see how you handle three crazy, but beautiful, witches who snack on children's souls. 

5. You know how I mentioned earlier that Dani had sass? Well... a lot of the characters in this movie have just as much sass, if not more.  (It really is just a sassy movie. Perhaps this happened because it was directed by Kenny Ortega. Who knows?)

The Zombies have sass:

The Sanderson Sisters have sass: (But mostly Winnifred)

 

Thackery Binx has SO much sass: (but unfortunately I couldn't find any GIF's to support that claim. So please enjoy one with Salem from Sabrina the Teenaged Witch, who looks the same and deals with witches all the time, just like Thackery.)

6. One thing that should be frightening us even more than the sisters' need for the souls of children, is the fact that Winnifred, Mary and Sarah's hair is always absolutely perfect. I do not understand the styles which they have chosen, however, I have a lot of respect for them. Though they go through quite a journey during that Halloween night, not a single hair falls out of place. They get into screaming matches, cross a black river that turns out to be a road, get showered by the burning rain of death, try to harm Max, Thackery, Alison and Dani multiple times, end up on the city's transportation system with a very creepy guy, fly around on vacuums, and much, much more! It's a wonder how they can keep everything so in tact. Perhaps black magic isn't the only thing that Book holds. 

 7. While we are on the topic of spell books... I would just like to note that I have never EVER seen a book as creepy as Winnifred's. Seriously! Made out of human skin and contains the most evil spells in the existence of spells. Just saying that aloud gives me the chills. Not to mention that it glows when you open it, so that you could never hide from those sisters, especially if you think it's a good idea to fight black magic with black magic. IDIOTS. Anyway, am I the only one who thinks it was odd for them to display her book in the museum? I'm not sure if the people of Salem really believed in it  or not, but if they did, don't you think they would want to burn that book? Or bury it six feet under? Whoever said to not judge a book by it's cover obviously never saw this one.

There are so many reasons as to why Hocus Pocus is the BEST Halloween movie out there, however, I wouldn't have the time to mention them all. You would be reading for days, if not weeks. I hope that you enjoyed this blog post and that you stay tuned for more!

A Hundred Different Directions

I should really update this blog more than I do. However, it's been quite hectic in my life, as of late, and although I may have some free time, I'm not exactly good at managing that time. In fact, I should be studying, or reading, or doing something that would boost my GPA instead of demolishing it, right now.

But alas, I am here, trying to think of something interesting to write about. You would think that because I am busy, it would mean my life is full of cool stories to tell all of you lovely people about. Unfortunately, it is not. Most of the time, it's one big, never ending circle in which I procrastinate, fall behind and then hurry to catch up again. Most of the time I do not, and I realize that I'm not really doing things well in my life. I have so many opportunities, yet tend to fly by the seat of my pants and hoping for the best. I've fallen into bad habits and I'm not trying as hard as I should be.

I'm constantly exhausted and I'm throwing myself in a hundred different directions. How in the world am I supposed to do things well? I'm doing too many things, if you ask me. Perhaps if I were to cut down on the amount of activities I am participating in, then would I no longer be a flake who isn't doing much of anything that is special? Maybe then I could come to appreciate and learn the music I am currently studying. Perhaps then I could be the best VPM that Sigma Alpha Iota has ever seen?

Right now I feel behind in life. I'm studying something I used to love, I don't really have a passion for it anymore, and yet I have no idea what I would be doing besides music. I still love it, but now I'm more discouraged than inspired by it. I don't believe that is how it is supposed to be. I'm tired of feeling this way, but I have no idea how to shake it. This certainly feels like a quarter-life crisis and I'm not too fond of it.

Is there any way to break free from these habits? Is there any way to stop writing about the same thing over and over again, and finally give you poor folks something new to read about? Because seriously, this is the only topic that I can seem to write about...

Maybe one day you'll get a post that is actually interesting and new! For now, I must stick to what I know.

Embarrassed.

UTTERLY EMBARRASSED

 

Sometimes I make a complete fool out of myself.

....

Alright. Let's be honest here. 

That sometimes should be crossed out and replaced with 'Every day'. 

I seriously believe that the ability to act appropriately during normal human interactions is a foreign concept to me. Though people don't hate me, I am not exactly easy to deal with. I'm over the top, happy go lucky and just all around insane at times. Making people laugh is my number one goal in life, I've come to notice, so I do just about anything to cause a chuckle. I may be hilarious, (what can I say? When you got it, you got it), however, it can get to be a little too much for others. When they don't understand where I'm coming from, or if they have just met me, I am seen as weird and someone they should stay away from.

And that, my friends, really sucks.

Yet... With what may possibly be my worst habit EVER, I have lost friendships, made life awkward and caused drama that didn't even need to exist. That habit is something I'm not proud of. I just can't keep my mouth shut when I truly admire a person of the opposite sex. 

I get extremely giddy when they are around and I start to come up with the scenarios of how perfect life could be if things were to work out. Many a girl does the very same thing, so I shouldn't feel bad. But once mixed with my silly attitude and my worry-wart tendencies, you have a recipe for disaster. I become clingy, too talkative about the situation, and freak people the heck out. And if you have experienced this awkwardness, I am genuinely sorry. I never wanted to make you feel uncomfortable. It's just a bad habit that I just can't seem to break.... Haha.

But on a more serious note... I really wish I could just stop being this way. It not only causes the person I admire a bit of discomfort, but it causes me a lot of pain when it doesn't work out the way I had planned. I then start to examine myself, and nitpick at everything that I may think is wrong. At this time, I tend to forget that life goes on, that it's a lesson to be learned, and that not everyone is going to like me like that. I'll admit... It's going to take a very special person to handle me. But, when that day comes (if it is meant to be!) then, it will be glorious. 

God made me this way for a reason, I feel, and it's gonna be tough to go through this time and time again. But He has me in the palm of His hand. I just wish I would stop forgetting that. I truly need to stop focusing on such petty things and put my eyes on the prize. What would Jesus do? How can I glorify God in ALL of my actions? Those are the things I should be worried about, instead of something so childish as wondering if a guy likes me or not. It doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things!

Reasons Why:

REASONS WHY 

MY SISTERS DISLIKE ME AND ARE EXTREMELY JEALOUS OF ME

1. My sisters and I love to eat. Jackie is more like me in her habits and will eat pretty much anything. She isn't picky like Shelby. My middle sister would rather live on an elf's favorite food groups: Candy, Candy Cane, Candy Corn and Syrup. Although she is a little brat, (I mean... what??), she loves to consume every thing that is sweet. Jackie won't pass up a sweet treat either, especially when that sweet treat is pudding. While Shelby prefers vanilla, Jackie is more of a chocolate-vanilla swirl fan. I happen to have no preference and eat any pudding that I happen to see in front of me. This proves to be a bit of a problem when I'm visiting them and I happen to feel a little hungry. If I'm only craving a snack, I will go straight for the pudding. And they don't like that. They don't like that one bit.

(I couldn't help but post this. Don't judge me. I love Supernatural. And Dean. And also, pudding).

2. Everyone knows that I'm the smartest child. I've always gotten the best grades and I pride myself on doing well in school. It's the greatest form of success that I've ever been able to be a part of. Sure, you may say that grades aren't everything, but I'd have to disagree on some levels. If you don't get good grades, then free money for college is basically impossible unless you are some awesome magician who can persuade scholarship committees to feel sorry for you and give you money even if you never tried in school. My sisters do not find joy in school, nor are they magicians. Perhaps studying and test taking doesn't come as easy to them as it does to me. It's not too far-fetched to say that I stole all of the smart genes when it came down to it.

Don't get me wrong... my sisters are smart as well. But not as book smart. Not a bad thing, of course, but I know that they sometimes wish they could have my skills. They wish that they could be able to pass a subject and not have to study. I don't blame them. My skills are pretty killer, if I do say so myself.

3. When people aren't as perfect and enchanting as you, sometimes it is better to just let them go on their merry way. However, what kind of sister would I be if I let Shelby and Jackie believe that they are doing great, when they could be doing so much better! Seriously, as an older sibling, I believe that it is my job to make sure the little ones do things correctly. I obviously know everything and am the best at anything I try to do, so why shouldn't I tell them how it should be? I don't know why it makes them so mad when I correct them or do things better than them, but it just does. Maybe they're jealous? If so, I don't really blame them. I mean, look at me.

(Why thank you, kind stranger. I suppose I am!)

4. Ever since we purchased Just Dance, the number of dance competitions in my house has rose about 100%. And if my sisters didn't know I was a better dancer before, they have to know now. When I bust a move, those around me just can't handle my skills. Shelby and Jackie get flustered since my footwork is so spot on, and they start to complain. They tell me I'm cheating, or say that the game is rigged in order to explain my winning. Let me just tell you... Just Dance can sense a fantastic dancer with no more than a touch of a button. You can't fake talent, or skill, especially if it a skill of this nature. YOU CAN'T TOUCH THIS.

5. If you have known me for more than five minutes, you will know that I worry WAY too much. I constantly think about every bad thing that could happen and freak out, even if nothing ends up happening. I just can't help it. I've been this way since birth and I have no way to change it. Since my sisters are very near and dear to my heart, I usually am worrying about them, no matter the time of day or if they are in Reno or Spring Creek. I don't want anything to happen to them, because I don't know what I would do with myself if they were gone. Not only would I lose the girls whom I make fun of, but I would also lose my best friends. I just couldn't handle that.

However, although you may see this trait of mine as sweet, my sisters are thoroughly annoyed by my worry. I call them at all hours of the night, just to make sure they are alive. At that point, I'm sure they would rather be sleeping than answering my frantic phone calls. I am constantly acting like a mother to them when they are with me. I tell them what they can and can't do, and both of them roll their eyes at me. I probably won't be a very nice mom, I have come to believe thanks to their reactions to my mom voice. Whatever... I'm not here to be liked by my children. I'm here to love them and take care of them and make sure they are awesome! Same with my sisters.

7. Now, this is probably a weird reason to jump to after I talked so much about worrying about my sisters. Yet, there are times when I choose sleep over my sisters. Over hanging out with them, over talking with them, over thinking about them.... I just really, REALLY enjoy sleep. It's not that I care any less about Shelby and Jackie, but sleep is freakin' important. And glorious. And you don't want me to lack any sleep, or else I will become a mean witch in the morning. I need my beauty sleep, whether that means I'll see my sisters or not.

8. My teeth are very sharp and when I try to bite them, they don't like it. You may be asking, 'Why in the world would you bite them?' Well, to answer your question, I have to defend myself somehow! Because they are overrun with jealousy, they have been known to attack me from time to time. I don't know what they believe they will accomplish by attacking me, or hurting me, but I end up showing them who is the tough one of the family. I use my pearly whites as weapons because my sisters don't ever expect me to do so! So I catch them off guard... It really is an ingenious plan, if I do say so myself. However, if you choose to use your own teeth as a weapon, make sure you're willing to have a weird taste in your mouth for a while. People taste yucky!

Bad poetry

BAD POETRY

 

Ah.... Dead Poet's Society. What Robin Williams' character says here is true, yet in my case, my words aren't world-changing ones. My words can make you laugh and brighten up your day, but I doubt that they will change the world. They are petty and about things that don't matter. But still awesome. :P I am hoping to make this a series, however, it may get pretty annoying since I'm terrible at writing poetry. I hope you guys enjoy sub-par writing, because that is what this post is all about. Let me know how you feel about this! 

 

P.S. The last two writings are from a week ago when I was in Portland. Katie and I went to a little writing get together before a Poetry slam. It was legit :)

 

Limmericks are fun when you write them about life situations.
In my life, I get quite confused,
‘Specially when I have been used
By boys, who are dumb,
They make me so glum.
By their actions, I am not so amused

The One About Oatmeal
(I have no idea if this can even be considered as poetry. It doesn't rhyme, and the meter is all over the place. Oh well, I love oatmeal. And I like this... uh, poem thing, no matter what!)

Oatmeal

Uninteresting blobs of discolored oats

I like it

I love it

I want some more of it

But only if it’s maple brown sugar

I’m a habitual creature

As any human should be

I cannot go a day

Without eating bland oatmeal

It makes me feel in control

It makes for a healthy snack

I feel like a martyr for sacrificing flavor like that

Oatmeal

Who came up with the stuff?

Was it the Quakers?

Were they against flavor?

Why am I addicted?

Why don’t I stray?

Why, oh why don’t I break the hold

the scary guy on the box has on me?

I’d rather enjoy adventure.

Have I become a robot?

Am I old?

Do only old people enjoy oatmeal?

Horoscope

This month will be a series of heartbreak for you, Scorpio, but by now you probably shouldn’t be surprised. As a Scorpio, you tend to wear your heart on your sleeve and tell your life story to anyone and everyone who will listen. This type of behavior sabotages any real, lasting friendships you could possibly have, because most people would rather not deal with your drama. At least, they don’t want to deal with it upon their first encounter with you.

Be wary Scorpio. You can avoid this. You can make friends. Reveal your craziness in little bite sized pieces and they will be trapped for life.

Reasons Why:

REASONS WHY I WOULD LIKE TO BE 

A DISNEY PRINCESS

1. Bursting out into random song and dance is totally acceptable when you are (or will ultimately become) Disney royalty. These princesses' stories are never complete unless there are at least three musical numbers throughout the film, (although having more than that is highly encouraged). No matter when or where they burst out in song, everyone loves the princesses. No one ever gets annoyed at them. As my readers, I suspect that you probably know enough about me to realize that I could be the perfect Disney princess if it came down to how many musical numbers I could perform. Of course, since I haven't been approached by big time executives concerning my princess career, I am beginning to sense that there is a lot more that goes into good princess-ery than singing and dancing. Bugger.

2. As we can see in Ariel's case, sometimes it is hard to catch a man. Especially when some evil witch steals your voice and you can't really do much but flaunt your body or make goo-goo eyes at the guy you like, hoping that he will understand your signals. Unfortunately, guys are so oblivious that they do not even realize what you are trying to do. However, that is why most Disney princesses have little sidekicks. Like the Little Mermaid we know and love, I would really enjoy having sea animals that use song and dance to manipulate my crushes into loving me. I wouldn't have to lift a finger or speak a word to make him understand that I like him. I could just leave all the difficult work to my little friends.

However, it may not be difficult work at all, now that I come to think about it. Especially if this situation were to involve me, I know that I have been unsuccessful at all my attempts to find a relationship. The reason being? I'm silly crazy. I get a bit intense when I like a guy but I try to act all calm and collected. It never works. Because I am so worried that I will scare them away, I am not confident with any of my words so in most cases, they just come jumbling out. This, in turn, scares the guy away.

So, if I were to take away my voice and leave it to awesome animals, then finding a man would be a breeze, I suspect. I couldn't say stupid things that make the guy reevaluate their decisions. I wouldn't be able to make animal noises when there are awkward silences (because I do that and it's weird). My little furry (or crabby, if I were a mermaid :P) sidekicks would be able set the mood and serenade me and my guy, and I couldn't ruin it with my weirdness. I could just sit there and look gorgeous! Ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Ha.

3. For as long as I can remember, I have had to deal with tangled and unruly locks of dull hair. It's been a real terrible experience, especially after putting in hours of hair time but to no avail. It always looks like the same mess, no matter what is done with it. Disney princesses seem to never be plagued by these kind of problems, even if they live in the desert, under the sea or miles and miles away from civilization and hair products. These ladies don't have unsightly baby bangs that bunch around your forehead and temples, nor do they have to tame fly aways. Their hair is always unbelievably long, healthy, perfectly smooth and beautiful. As far as I know, this is not humanly possible. Even modern day princesses and celebrities have days where their hair does not like to listen.

Perhaps they use hair products and tools made specially for the Disney ladies? I suppose that brushing your hair one hundred times per evening is not enough anymore. Maybe I too should comb my hair out with a fork (A.K.A. Dinglehopper)? Will this help me to attain the healthy locks I have so long desired?

 

4. Unless you are starting off as Cinderella, your wardrobe is typically pretty darn cool. You never have to wear the same thing twice because you are a princess, dang it! The dresses that Disney princesses wear are most likely made out of the finest material, and are never over the top on the fashion side. Of course, they are over the top fancy!  Honestly, I have the most difficult time picking out outfits for myself. I feel as if I don't have a very good sense of style. Yet, if I was a Disney princess, I would have much better options brought in by experts (such as my Fairy Godmother) instead of having to trust Walmart for my fashion needs.

5. In my wide experience with Disney movies, it seems as if Princesses do a lot of sleeping. If my main duties in life were sleeping and looking pretty, life would be absolutely perfect and simple. I do not believe there is anything in this world that I love more than sleep. Well, besides food but that doesn't matter right now. If I were a princess, I would probably love sleeping more than food since it seems to me that most of these chicks are awakened by a kiss from a smokin' hot prince. Yeah, food would definitely lose the battle if I had a Prince Charming alarm clock. ;)

 

 

(Technically she is dead here... well, in a way. But who cares! It can still be considered as resting time).

 

 

6. My life hasn't been so successful in the relationship department, as you all know. While I am certainly okay with that and being on my own, it would be nice to have a win every once in a while when it comes to love. As a Disney princess, I would be unstopable. Even when things look bleak, they always get their prince in the end. It doesn't matter if a sea witch has murder on her mind, or if your father really hates the guy you love and is about to kill him. As a Disney princess, success is inevitable. Even being jarred awake from eternal sleep is possible as Disney royalty. Where there is a will, there is definitely a way. Love is a main theme in these stories, so it has to happen anyway. You just can't fight it. Well, unless you're Meirda. But she doesn't want love and that's weird. Sooooo... I'm not counting her in this.

(Yeah, yeah... she's not a real princess but she is gosh darn funny in Princess and the Frog. Plus, this is exactly what I would look like if I was dancing with a prince. Therefore, it works.) 

 

7. Who wouldn't want to be royalty? Seriously. Nowadays, princesses may ultimately have to worry about ruling a country when crowned Queen, but besides that tiny fact, it has to be a very awesome life. As a princess, your desires would only be limited by your imagination. Nothing is out of your reach, unless for some reason you don't happen to have a room full of riches that your family accumulated. That would definitely put a damper on things...

 

Golden crowns and jewelry become your favorite accessories. Furniture that belongs to royalty is most likely the absolutely best and most comfortable furniture that there is. I mean, I have no idea if that is true or not, but it just has to be. Why on Earth would a Disney princess deal with uncomfortable furniture? You could punish those who have become your enemies just because you are the leader of the country. That doesn't make it right... but it could still be fun. You would never lack food, and it would always be cooked by personal chefs. You would never have to lift a finger.

 

If your heart so desired, your life could be one big party with a little bit of responsibility thrown in when you have to take care of the country.

 

Being royalty encourages laziness. And I'm okay with that.

 

 

8. In every Disney story, there is some kind of adventure to be had. The stories of Disney princesses are no exception, to every little girl's pleasant surprise! Ariel goes on a journey where she changes from mermaid to human and loses her beautiful voice. Though not on her own accord, Belle is forced into a journey when her father goes missing and ends up finding something more than her provincial life. Rapuzel takes a leap of faith and escapes her tower in order to find the floating lights. On this adventure she finds out that she is capable of a lot more than her "mother" gives her credit for.

 

I want adventure. I want to live a life worth living. Like Belle, I feel trapped by my circumstances. I know that I am meant to do a lot more than what I'm doing.... but unlike Belle, I don't believe I will have to worry about my father getting lost in the forest. Therefore, I'm at an impasse. Perhaps I don't want adventure enough... I believe that is the case. I've gotten into lazy habits so that makes it easy to miss adventure. That has got to change!!!

 

 

 

9. When you do catch Princess Charming, not only would you have every material thing that your little heart desires, but also a lifetime guarantee that you will always be happy. As a Disney princess, your story ends with 'And they lived happily ever after,' not 'And then she died of natural causes'. I'm pretty sure that because they are associated with Disney, these princesses are more magical than normal women in royalty. In fact, I'm pretty certain that they will never die. Every time I visit Disneyland, the princesses seem to never age. Either this is achieved by magic... or lots of plastic surgery. Who knows? For my sake, I'm just going to believe that Disney princesses live forever... Which is all the more reason to become one. Who wants to get old? I don't have time to deal with wrinkles or greying hair or whatever else comes with old age...

 

All I want is my happily ever after!!!

 

 

Harry Potter

THE BOY WHO LIVED, THE CHOSEN ONE,

THE BOY WHO DOESN'T REALLY EXIST

HARRY JAMES POTTER 

I love Harry Potter. In fact, I probably love Harry Potter more than I love anything else in this world. Well, I love it more than anything besides God, the people in my life, and delicious food. Out of any series that I've ever read, this story has stuck with me as my favorite for nearly fourteen years. In my opinion, the characters and storyline will easily stand through the test of time. J.K. Rowling has created a world in which I, along with countless others, can easily escape into when the world is boring us, or depressing us. However, depending on which Harry Potter book you are reading, it may not make you any happier.

The characters are familiar and although they are fictional, I cannot help but care about them. I know that sounds crazy, but good ol' J.K. is a fantastic writer. Though magic isn't real (or so we've been led to believe), the world that she created is so believable. At least, I have always thought so. The Wizarding World has its own government, customs and sports. Though she incorporates many creatures/myths etc... that were brought to life by other authors and throughout time, Rowling also created a good deal of her own things. (For example, Horocruxs. I'm pretty sure that no one else came up with something quite like that. Freakin' genius, if you ask me). Along with the cool places and things,  her characters are real and relatable. They have their share of problems and they range from petty things such as love all the way to uber important fight scenes, and etc... Although Harry seems to have unnaturally good luck when it comes to fighting the Dark Lord and escaping him, he is not a perfect character. If he was perfect, killing Lord Voldemort would have been cake.

Now, much like my fellow Potter fans, I really dislike it when Harry Potter is put down by someone who obviously has no taste. I can understand if you don't like reading, or if it wasn't your favorite story, but how could you possibly hate the Boy Who Lived? Yeah, I get that at times, Harry can be extremely annoying... especially during the Order of the Phoenix when teenage angst hits. Yet, he tries his best to be the loveable chosen one. If you dislike Harry as a character, that's fine by me, but if you go farther than that and start to bash Jo's whole plot and creativity and whatnot, there are no promises that I will stay calm. What about the other beloved characters? Neville? Nymphadora Tonks? Luna Lovegood? Seriously, that blonde haired girl is the most interesting character ever (AND freakin' insightful!), and if you don't find her adorable and weird and awesome, you should just go far, far away.

Yes, I'm passionate about this... And yes I should probably take that passion and put it into something that will help me get somewhere in life. But I don't think that's possible. Harry Potter has been a big part of my life through all the important times in life. During those awkward elementary school years, the awkward middle school years, the ultimate awkwardness that is high school and then continuing onto my life of young adulthood smothered with an extra coating of even more awkwardness, a dash of responsibility and a cup of stress.

But you know what really gets on my nerves? It's when people are downright insulting this marvelous series. When they say that the story, everything about it and even J.K. Rowling is evil. Like the real, torturing animals, murderous, men-who-want-to-watch-the-world-burn type of evil. Some people that I know, *cough* Uncle Christopher *cough*, constantly tell me that because it involves witchcraft, the book and its author are in cahoots with the Devil. I don't understand this argument. Yes, I understand what the Bible says about witchcraft and mediums, etc... however, this is a fiction book. This is not the first book that involves a magical world where wizards and witches are protagonists and it certainly won't be the last. It would be different if she was writing this book from Lord Voldemort's point of view. For those of you who don't already know, he's the bad guy who sought world domination and plotted to kill anyone who did not have a "pure" magical bloodline. (Even though he was a freakin' hypocrite and a half-blood himself).

Harry Potter wants nothing more than to save his peers and those who are important to him. He constantly is in danger, and fighting for the lives of those around him. This book does not teach us how to be witches and wizards, (though magic would make a lot of things easier). It does not try to convince us to worship witchcraft, though some fans take it too far and think that they can become magical as well. (With every awesome novel, film or television show, there are those who taint the goodness and make things weird). J.K. Rowling created very clear characters, whom we know are good or evil. (Well... except Snape. Everyone went back and forth with him... but ultimately, he was pretty darn good. He fought for love!) The characters that were evil and follwers of He Who Must Not Be Named were written in such a way that made readers despise them from the get-go. J.K. never sympathized with those characters, and from the very beginning, there was a clear distinction as to who she wanted her readers to root for.

There a numerous amounts of wonderful things that this series teaches those who love it. First off, it teaches us that no matter how bleak the situation is, you can rise above bad times. Good can ultimately prevail over evil.

From the get go, Harry is alone. As an orphan, he is forced to live with family members who dislike his parents, therefore disliking him. They treat him terribly. He is deemed an outcast and abnormal because of his background. Of course, he knows nothing about being a wizard at this time, but once he does find out, things only prove to get more difficult from there. He has no friends in the non-magical world. You wonder how a kid could go through all of that abuse and still be normal. Aside from the whole magical bloodline, of course.

Anyway, throughout the course of the seven books, Harry is constantly put into terrible situations. In the first book, he is attacked by the Dark Lord (via Quirrel) and although that's a really terrible situation, he got through it. He never gave up. He showed us that with perseverance and a little bit of luck, even a group of eleven year old's could fight a grown wizard, and the weird guy on the back of his head, and win. Oh, not to mention they fought a troll during that year, which in my opinion is a lot scarier than a guy with a bad attitude in a turban.

The next year, Harry is thought to be the heir of Slytherin. Gryffindor, Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw kids are scared of him for it, while Slytherin hates him for it. Harry just can't win. They all ostracize this poor second year, however, Ron and Hermione stick with him through the difficult times.Then all hell breaks loose when the chamber of secrets is open. People start getting petrified left and right, and it's up to Harry to save the day. Big shocker! He fights a freakin' huge snake (called a Basilisk) with the sword of Gryffindor. You're not hardcore, unless you live hardcore... and the legend of Harry Potter is real hardcore.

Things just get worse from there... but I'm not going to go in detail, since this post is already longer than most. Anywho, all you need to know is that when Harry is in a bad situation, he keeps on keeping on and gets through the bad times. Ultimately, a lot of people die and get hurt because of the Dark Lord, however, in the end, there is a happy conclusion. Some would say that it's not realistic, but I beg to differ. If you are in a bleak situation and you stop trying to make things better for yourself because you don't think it'll make a difference, then you'll never be able to get to a better place. You will always be stuck in the hard times because you'll settle for it. Harry never settled.

Another great thing that the series taught me, is that friendships are the number one important thing in a person's life. Without friendships, you will get no where. Well, unless you are Peter Petigrew or anyone who thought they were "friends" with Lord Voldemort. No, you just become a slave then. Anyway.... the dynamic between Harry, Ron and Hermione is so touching. Especially when you know how and when the idea of friendship first came into their minds. Sharing a near death experience can really bring people together. :)

Throughout the series, they are always there for one another. Yes, Ron and Hermione fight and really make things difficult, however that is because they were in love and never wanted to admit it. That is a whole different lesson to go through and I'd rather not touch on that subject... But whenever Harry needed help with Ickle Voldykins, they were there to back him up. Well, Hermione was there to back them up and show them spells and save their booties. Good job, Hermy!!

Harry's life turns around when he is accepted into Hogwarts because he finally makes some friends. These people understand his quirks because hey! They're weird too. They accept him and love him, and not just because he's the chosen one. That's just an added bonus, I suppose. Anyhow... friendship is a key theme in these series, and if you have read them, you know that Harry would have been nothing without the friendships he gained during his time at Hogwarts. And not only with the students at Hogwarts, but the adults of the book as well. They were friends with Harry's parents, and as we can see, they did their best to look after James and Lily's child, long after they had passed away. True friendship isn't something that is conditional. It is not something that has a time limit. It does not stop when one person is no longer living. We, as humans, may die, but friendship can never die! It leaves a legacy that is more wonderful than fame. Who needs fame when you have the best friends in the world?

Anyhow... I know I got really into this and it's already WAYYY too long. You probably haven't even stuck to the end. However, if you did, I know that you are awesome. Unless you dislike Harry Potter still after that whole speech. I think you may need a few chocolate frogs, and some butterbeer off the trolly, dear. That'll make you appreciate the wonderful world of Harry Potter, I'm sure. ;)

Reasons Why:

REASONS WHY MUSIC IS
AWESOME!!!!

Music: Preventing homicidal rage since... well, the beginning of it's existence.

1. All it takes is a few chords and suddenly, you are transported to another time or place. Not literally, although the effect is just as cool. You begin to reminisce on old times, with a certain person (or people), in a special place and it can be utterly glorious. Of course, it could also be really terrible, especially if the song in question was you and your ex's "song". You still get transported to a different time... but it's obviously a time much better than where you are currently at. Which is the perfect segue to my next point...

2. Music evokes emotions that you weren't even sure you had. Sometimes these emotions are directly related with memories that are brought up while listening to music, like I stated above, but at times, music doesn't even need to be tied to a memory in order to create emotion. The melodies, harmonies, tempo, etc all come together to create a piece of music that can sound somber, happy or just plain scary. I don't know if it's just me, but when these pieces are performed correctly and with passion, focus and correct technique, I find that I lose myself in the music. I no longer become aware that I'm even listening to music. I start to feel. Depending on the song, sadness or happiness grip me, and I can't even begin to describe why. But it's freakin' awesome...

3. Despite what you have been led to believe by some artists in the pop industry, music can actually be absolutely fantastic. Popular music is honestly not very engaging nor is it difficult to recreate (TYPICALLY. This isn't the case for every song, just a great majority of them). When you venture out into the realms of classical music, alternative, and even some rock music, you experience some pretty cool effects that blow your mind. I would get into more detail on this, but that would involve talking about music theory, and no one really wants to do that. And believe me, after four semesters of that class, theory is the last topic that I would want to discuss.

4. When  you want to dance, you can just turn some music on and let your inner animal loose! If it has a good beat and some awesome effects, you can turn any place you're in to a dance floor. I mean, you can dance without having music but it's just not the same. Plus, you look a little crazy dancing to no beat. Especially if you're like me and you aren't the greatest dancer. Interperative dance doesn't look as cool when you have no music to back you up. Actually, it probably doesn't look too cool even with the music. Oh well... I'm never giving it up!

5. It can be a lot more complicated than most people believe. While there are many out there who think that music is easy (I.E. girl in my Environmental Science class who thought she would have no problem in Sight singing because she was in "recording"), and some people are naturally gifted in theory, listening and playing/singing, music is actually really complicated if you get down to the nitty gritty. Also, if you're a normal person like me, you can't just whip out your piano or guitar and come with a song on the spot. It takes you hours. And even after all of the time spent playing, you still slightly terrible, though you may have made some improvements.

For any of you who think being a music major is easy, I cordially invite you to try it out. Sure, there isn't a lot of homework, but if you don't practice, you're usually screwed. You can get by on natural talent during your first year, but if you don't work hard, then you won't really get anywhere. At least, that's how it is with the vocal program. And unfortunately, though I'm not failing, I'm not exactly going through this program with flying colors because I have a hard time not procrastinating.

Anyway... rant done. On to the next point.

6. There is not a single person on this world who hates music. At least, I have yet to meet someone who does. I seriously doubt that anyone hates music, however, since it's much like hating puppies, or babies, or hating happiness itself. It may not be everyone's life and soul, as it is for me, but you just can't dislike music. If you happen to, please don't ruin my opinion of you by telling me. I seriously will never be your friend again. If that is harsh, I apologize, but you're being silly by not liking God's gift to the world. For real.
 
7. The reason I believe that no one hates music is because it's so versatile. There are so many genres of music, it's unbelievable. Rock, Pop, Country, Classical, Hip-Hop, etc... A little something is available for everyone. You've got music for every mood and situation, as well. If you're tired of one type of music, you can just change the station or press shuffle on your iPod. It's that easy... I know that if you're anything like me, you go through phases. Like right now, I'm definitely on an alternative streak. A few weeks ago, it was rock. When I start this musical in the next couple of weeks, I'll probably fill my playlists with showtunes.

8. Music brings people together. Whether you have a favorite band, or play/sing in an ensemble, you can't help but make friends with people you normally wouldn't because of music. In my own life, most of my best friends are people I've met because of music. When you are part of an ensemble, like choir, you become sort of like a family. You spend a lot of time with one another practicing and performing, and although you may get annoyed at each other from time to time, you learn to appreciate each and every person in the choir. You appreciate them because a choir cannot lean on one really good person. You have to blend, listen to one another and everyone has to be accountable in order to sound good. When you do a good job, you feel accomplished and proud of those around you. It's a great feeling!

There are many, many more reasons proving that music is awesome and I'm hoping that you agree. My days aren't complete without listening to some guitar riffs or a beautiful melody sung by a choir. I couldn't imagine life without music, which is why I am studying it in college. Sure, it may not be the smartest decision to some, but hey, at least I love what I'm doing. How many people could say that?

Advice

DO I LOOK LIKE 'DEAR ABBY' TO YOU?

Despite the rather harsh tone of my title, this isn't a post to bash the people that have come to me looking for advice. In all actuality, I rather enjoy helping those around me. (Though I am far from wise, at times I am capable of providing others with intelligent counsel). Yet, ever since I hit puberty, the problems my friends come to me with no longer deal with simple things like proper play time etiquette, or which outfit looks best on Barbie for a night out on the town. No, things have become more serious and they all stress a certain unbearable topic.

Love.

No matter how much we supposedly mature, it seems as though my friends can not talk about anything other than who is dating who, and what person they're currently crushing on. I'll admit it, I'm guilty of this as well. Alright, so that is quite the understatement. I'm VERY guilty, especially of the latter but no matter... The point of this blog post is not about who is the most annoying when it comes to relationship talk. (Though, I probably would take the cake if we were voting). The point of this blog is not to bash others, like I've said before, but in a way to bring to light all the silly things that I do when it comes to taking advice.

Now, I can be somewhat intelligent when it comes to other people's problems. I feel as if many of you probably feel the same way. It's easy to help a friend figure out the best plan of action when you are a completely unrelated third party who has no interest in the matter whatsoever (if you understand that reference, you're amazing). Even if you are part of the situation, just being able to take a step back while not being the center of drama is always helpful. And, when you are giving advice to someone you care about, you will typically try to find the best solution to their problems, because you want them to be as happy as possible.

When it comes to your own problems, it's easy to become lost in all the drama, feelings, stupid emotions and whatnot. Or maybe that's just me? When I have drama in my life (especially relationship drama), I tend to become a crazy person who has no idea where she is going with her life. I may have given my friend advice for a similar situation a few weeks ago, yet I cannot clear my brain enough to figure out what I should do for myself. It's pretty embarrassing, let me tell you. Hopefully I'm not the only person who has a hard time following my own advice. If I was, then I'd probably feel a lot sillier than I do now.

I see those around my being obsessed with love and I roll my eyes. Yet, when I'm given the chance to talk about my love life (or rather, lack of one), I won't shut up. I'm probably one of the most hypocritical people when it comes to this issue. However, admitting the problem is the first step to overcoming it. SO, with that being said, I either A) Need to stop being so annoyed at others for their silliness when it comes to romantic relationships, or B) learn to cool my jets when it comes to talking about my own. Or even just forget about romantic endeavors for good. Yes, the latter sounds absolutely divine... but also pretty difficult. 

 I just don't want to be like the people who come to me for advice, yet I know I fall into the same habits. They complain about being single when honestly, this is the best time in life to do the things that you want without having to worry about what anyone else thinks. They go to insane lengths to get a significant other, even if it means pretending to be someone they're not. When they are around people of the opposite gender, they do just that-- become someone they're not. While talking to people, they always try to make the conversation about their problems and their relationships. 

I know that I am guilty of ALL of these things, so if you happen to be reading and say, "Is she talking about me? Because I do those things...," it could be true. However, this post is not to make you feel bad, like I said above. I do the same exact things... and I'm sure most people in this world do them to. Yet, I would like to make some new habits and be a listener, not a talker (which is going to be SUPER difficult for me), I would like to be happy with my single life (which is slightly less difficult), and I want to be someone who focuses on important issues... not just about issues that deal with the opposite gender. Finding love is not the most important thing in life, although society has made it seem that way. In a world where finding a "mate" is not necessary for survival any longer, we can easily go and enjoy being ourselves. We don't have to please one another... we should just do the things we love and find ways to make ourselves happy!

Wedding

IT'S A NICE DAY FOR A

WHITE WEDDING

 

Maybe it's the woman in me? Or perhaps it's due to the large amounts of Michael Buble I've been listening to recently... but I really just want to get married. Not so much for the fact that I'd be in love with someone and all that jazz (though that would be nice), but mostly because Pinterest has allowed me to cultivate my inner Wedding Planner. Never in my life have I been consumed by appropriate and attractive color schemes nor have I been intrigued by seasonally appropriate flower arrangements. Heck, I have only been to a handful of weddings during my lifetime, and despite my gender, I have never had a severe inclination to get married.

Yes, weddings are fun. If there is free food and a dance floor, you can expect me to embarass myself countless times all while having the time of my life. Yet, for myself, I am still not sure if I'll ever walk down the aisle inthat poofy white dress that causes people to cry. And no, I don't believe that because of a terrible self-esteen that makes me fear that I'll never find someone who loves me enough to pop the question. I'm freakin' awesome, (though a bit crazy at times), so that terrible thought is the least of my worries. The thing is, I've always viewed myself as being that 'Runaway Bride' type of girl. Committment is pretty scary, especially when it could end in ruins. When I was younger, I was certain that if I were to get married, my husband and I would end up fighting and disliking each other much like my own parents. 'Since it happened to them, why wouldn't it happen to me?' I always wondered.

With those thoughts, a very interesting situation was created. It may be difficult for you all to believe due to the fact that I constantly wear my heart on my sleeve and share so much of my life (even if I should try to keep an air of mystery most of the time). When it comes to actual commitment, I am scared beyond belief. Honestly, I suspect that I don't want anything to do with a serious relationship because I would much rather not risk going through heartbreak.(I'm pretty sure this is why I have somehow managed to sabatoge every possible relationship I've ever been in). So, the whole marriage thing has proved to be out of the question for a very long time. I didn't want to deal with it, even if wedding celebrations are beautiful and typically covered in glitter and ribbon and awesomeness.

Fast forward to the past few months and everything has changed. Well, I'm still afraid of committment. But now, I've finally realized my immense love and respect for all the aspects that make up a wedding. I am obsessed with every detail that goes into wedding planning, for some odd reason. The flowers, the food, the dress... Everything! I even broke down and created a board on Pinterest designated just for wedding pins. (A few months ago, I would have laughed if you told me I'd do that. I literally cringed every time I saw that my friends had pinned dresses, engagement photo ideas and the like to their own wedding boards). I am a changed woman and I'm not sure if it is for better or for worse.

(Did you see what I did there? Ha.)

Pinterest is like a gateway drug, I swear. When I signed up for the lovely website, I just thought it would be a fun visual way to get my thoughts together and provide inspiration. While it does both of those things... I spend much more time on Pinterest than I ever intended to. Also, I pin a lot more recipes and crafts than I'm capable of executing. In fact, I believe I've only used 1/16th of those tutorials/recipes. To me, it's easy to see that I have a bigger problem than being obsessed with weddings but, I digress.

I suppose that it is very easy to get caught up in all the sparkles and lovey-dovey atmosphere of a wedding. With Hollywood's perception of love bombarding us from every angle, it's hard not to constantly think about it, especially if you happen to be a woman, like me. It seems that getting married has almost always been one of the ultimate goals in life and because of this, many believe that they're worthless if they aren't in a relationship. That is not the path that I want to end up on. To be honest, I don't think that most people wish to feel that way but unfortunately, it's difficult to escape the media that constantly supports that idea.

Though I disapprove of that sort of thinking and hope that society changes it's view on singleness, I don't believe it is bad to like weddings. They are beautiful celebrations that are full of hope and happiness (most of the time, anyway). In fact, it's not even a bad thing to daydream about your own wedding, as long as it's not killing your self-esteem if you haven't found the one yet. I already have a somewhat planned game plan for my future wedding, if I were to have one. There are a lot of cool ideas out there that I would like to try, if my future fiance is on board with it, of course. Hoping for things like Harry Potter themed engagement pictures might qualify me for a case of wishful thinking, but you never know, it could happen. And it would be freakin' awesome. ADMIT IT. :)

All I know is that there will be a lot of Michael Buble played at my wedding. I don't care what my fiance has to say about that... it's happening. And I'll be singing to my future husband about our love during the reception, so he better be ready for that. Oh, and the food has to be glorious. If the food at the wedding is bad, then it just allows the marriage to get off on the wrong foot, and we can't let that happen. Also, while we're on the subject of food, I don't care what anyone says, if I want to eat at my wedding, I am going to take a break from thanking everyone for coming and posing for pictures and eat to my heart's content. I'm not risking my sanity just to make everyone happy. It's not going to be like Lily and Marshall's wedding on How I Met Your Mother, do you hear me?

:)

Unworthy

UNWORTHY

(I wasn't sure what to put for the GIF in this post, so here is one of Ron Swanson dancing. You're welcome).

I suppose that this blog post's tone will be a bit more serious than the rest. Lately, I have frequently been thinking about my situation in life, and found myself worrying about the future. This is not uncommon in people my age, and especially not for myself, since being worrisome has always been one of my main attributes. The future is uncertain, and I have a hard time dealing with change. I also have a difficult time making things happen. Even if I truly want to accomplish someone, I typically need a push from friends and family to get started on the project.

I could be a lot worse, and have no motivation to do anything at all, but it's still pretty bad. Especially when there are so many awesome adventures in life that I'd like to attempt but so little time. Ultimately, I believe my hesitance to try something new is due to my fear of failure. Instead of getting past the fear, however, like a normal human being, I let it hinder my life to an extreme level. I am getting slightly better with this, though, and I am trying to venture out of my comfort zone so I can become the woman that I want to be.

Just recently, I have been comparing myself a lot to those around me. I know, I know, 'Comparison is the thief of joy.' That is very true and I try not to look at other people's talents, wishing that they were mine. That is unbiblical, terrible for my self-esteem and does not do anything to help my friendships with people. Yet, at times, it gives me inspiration on how I would like my life to turn out, which is quite nice. And being friends with these awesome people gives me new opportunities to take in order to change my life. (That is, if I don't let my fear get the better of me).

Yet, the comparing I've been doing has helped me realize something very important. Though I'm trying to take a break from relationships and stop pursuing guys (since they should really be pursuing me), I can't help but still admire some of the more awesome gentlemen in my life. They certainly deserve the admiration, but I'm not about to act on my feelings. 'Why not?' You may ask. 'If you never try, you'll never know,' the world tells me. While I believe that, whole heartedly, I am not about to fall back into my crazy ways with relationships. It hasn't worked for me in the past, so why on Earth would it work now? In all honesty, I don't even believe that I am worthy of this person, anyhow.

Maybe worthy isn't the right word for this situation. I'm not quite sure. To me, it's easy to see that I don't seem to fit in with him and we are different in many ways. This may or may not be true, due to the fact that I don't really know him too well and have yet to gather evidence that backs it up. For example, in the time that I've known him, he acts like an extremely smart individual... and I'm intelligent as well, but I do not feel as if my knowledge is adequately matched with his. Since I have no clue as to what his actual level of intelligence is, and have never brought it up during a conversation, I have no idea whether or not my assumptions are correct.

Now don't get me wrong. The characteristics that I've found in him are most likely all accounted for. He's smart, kind and somewhat shy with people that he doesn't know. Though there is no denying these facts are apparent on a surface level, I'm pretty sure that I'm taking his positive qualities and exaggerating them to a level that is embarrassing. I've created an uncomfortably high pedestal for this poor guy, and it's only a matter of time before the truth about him comes out. If I don't stop this kind of behavior quick, his image is bound to fall from the top of the mountain of perfection and make things pretty awkward between us. (Not that I believe he's going to turn out to be a terrible guy with all kinds of inexusable flaws buuut... you get what I mean, hopefully).

While it is fine to admire someone, I just can't seem to calm myself down. I begin to overlook  the imperfections of the guy I like, and create unreachable standards for them. Going with the flow and truly accepting someone for who they are is very difficult for me when I start to daydream. Perhaps it's the drama queen within me trying to rule my life? Or maybe my perception of romance and love has been so distorted by Hollywood and this world, that I am not able to view any relationship in a healthy way. I have no idea how to change. I have no idea what to do in this situation. To be honest, I'm worried that my worrying will ruin everything. (Doesn't that sound enjoyable?)

My friendship with this guy is definitely the number one most important thing at this point. I could care less if it were to go anything beyond that. Though that would be absolutely wonderful and I would be a very lucky girl if it happened, I do believe that I have to mature a lot before it can happen. So, for now, I'm trying to take an approach I've never used before. I'm going to let things happen on their own. I'm going to do my best to just focus on a friendship, get to know him and stop myself from daydreaming about what could be. Every time I do that, I get into trouble. I set myself up for heartbreak when I take things to the fantasy world.

You would think that my current plan of action would be very easy to follow. In fact, you would say that it's the normal way of going about one's business in the relationship world. I do believe that you are right in saying that... however, you are talking to a crazy twenty year old woman here. One who is loud, absolutely awkward and wishes her life was a musical. Everything that I do is dramatic, though I'm trying to be a bit more normal in that respect. For me, I have some bad habits that I have to kill before I can even attempt to be normal in life. Yay..... I'm so excited. :P

I have to stop pursuing guys because ultimately, they never like me as much as I like them. I have to start focusing on the many amazing things that are important in my life. God, my family, friends and of course, music (among other fun things), are just some of those items in life that I want to center my life around instead of guys I happen to like a little bit. I also need to stop worrying. I worry WAY too much and that produces a lot of anxiety, which I dislike. It'll be a long process, but I'm ready. I'm content with being single. I'm content with admiring from afar and being a friend. I'm content with waiting for God's plans for me.

At least, right now I'm content. There will be days when I am impatient, cranky and just plain stupid. I am blessed, though, despite those hard times that I know are bound to come. God has allowed me good relationships with the greatest people that surrounding me already. They will be there to give me guidance, comfort and love. And for that, I am truly thankful. :)