Bad poetry

BAD POETRY

 

Ah.... Dead Poet's Society. What Robin Williams' character says here is true, yet in my case, my words aren't world-changing ones. My words can make you laugh and brighten up your day, but I doubt that they will change the world. They are petty and about things that don't matter. But still awesome. :P I am hoping to make this a series, however, it may get pretty annoying since I'm terrible at writing poetry. I hope you guys enjoy sub-par writing, because that is what this post is all about. Let me know how you feel about this! 

 

P.S. The last two writings are from a week ago when I was in Portland. Katie and I went to a little writing get together before a Poetry slam. It was legit :)

 

Limmericks are fun when you write them about life situations.
In my life, I get quite confused,
‘Specially when I have been used
By boys, who are dumb,
They make me so glum.
By their actions, I am not so amused

The One About Oatmeal
(I have no idea if this can even be considered as poetry. It doesn't rhyme, and the meter is all over the place. Oh well, I love oatmeal. And I like this... uh, poem thing, no matter what!)

Oatmeal

Uninteresting blobs of discolored oats

I like it

I love it

I want some more of it

But only if it’s maple brown sugar

I’m a habitual creature

As any human should be

I cannot go a day

Without eating bland oatmeal

It makes me feel in control

It makes for a healthy snack

I feel like a martyr for sacrificing flavor like that

Oatmeal

Who came up with the stuff?

Was it the Quakers?

Were they against flavor?

Why am I addicted?

Why don’t I stray?

Why, oh why don’t I break the hold

the scary guy on the box has on me?

I’d rather enjoy adventure.

Have I become a robot?

Am I old?

Do only old people enjoy oatmeal?

Horoscope

This month will be a series of heartbreak for you, Scorpio, but by now you probably shouldn’t be surprised. As a Scorpio, you tend to wear your heart on your sleeve and tell your life story to anyone and everyone who will listen. This type of behavior sabotages any real, lasting friendships you could possibly have, because most people would rather not deal with your drama. At least, they don’t want to deal with it upon their first encounter with you.

Be wary Scorpio. You can avoid this. You can make friends. Reveal your craziness in little bite sized pieces and they will be trapped for life.

Reasons Why:

REASONS WHY I WOULD LIKE TO BE 

A DISNEY PRINCESS

1. Bursting out into random song and dance is totally acceptable when you are (or will ultimately become) Disney royalty. These princesses' stories are never complete unless there are at least three musical numbers throughout the film, (although having more than that is highly encouraged). No matter when or where they burst out in song, everyone loves the princesses. No one ever gets annoyed at them. As my readers, I suspect that you probably know enough about me to realize that I could be the perfect Disney princess if it came down to how many musical numbers I could perform. Of course, since I haven't been approached by big time executives concerning my princess career, I am beginning to sense that there is a lot more that goes into good princess-ery than singing and dancing. Bugger.

2. As we can see in Ariel's case, sometimes it is hard to catch a man. Especially when some evil witch steals your voice and you can't really do much but flaunt your body or make goo-goo eyes at the guy you like, hoping that he will understand your signals. Unfortunately, guys are so oblivious that they do not even realize what you are trying to do. However, that is why most Disney princesses have little sidekicks. Like the Little Mermaid we know and love, I would really enjoy having sea animals that use song and dance to manipulate my crushes into loving me. I wouldn't have to lift a finger or speak a word to make him understand that I like him. I could just leave all the difficult work to my little friends.

However, it may not be difficult work at all, now that I come to think about it. Especially if this situation were to involve me, I know that I have been unsuccessful at all my attempts to find a relationship. The reason being? I'm silly crazy. I get a bit intense when I like a guy but I try to act all calm and collected. It never works. Because I am so worried that I will scare them away, I am not confident with any of my words so in most cases, they just come jumbling out. This, in turn, scares the guy away.

So, if I were to take away my voice and leave it to awesome animals, then finding a man would be a breeze, I suspect. I couldn't say stupid things that make the guy reevaluate their decisions. I wouldn't be able to make animal noises when there are awkward silences (because I do that and it's weird). My little furry (or crabby, if I were a mermaid :P) sidekicks would be able set the mood and serenade me and my guy, and I couldn't ruin it with my weirdness. I could just sit there and look gorgeous! Ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Ha.

3. For as long as I can remember, I have had to deal with tangled and unruly locks of dull hair. It's been a real terrible experience, especially after putting in hours of hair time but to no avail. It always looks like the same mess, no matter what is done with it. Disney princesses seem to never be plagued by these kind of problems, even if they live in the desert, under the sea or miles and miles away from civilization and hair products. These ladies don't have unsightly baby bangs that bunch around your forehead and temples, nor do they have to tame fly aways. Their hair is always unbelievably long, healthy, perfectly smooth and beautiful. As far as I know, this is not humanly possible. Even modern day princesses and celebrities have days where their hair does not like to listen.

Perhaps they use hair products and tools made specially for the Disney ladies? I suppose that brushing your hair one hundred times per evening is not enough anymore. Maybe I too should comb my hair out with a fork (A.K.A. Dinglehopper)? Will this help me to attain the healthy locks I have so long desired?

 

4. Unless you are starting off as Cinderella, your wardrobe is typically pretty darn cool. You never have to wear the same thing twice because you are a princess, dang it! The dresses that Disney princesses wear are most likely made out of the finest material, and are never over the top on the fashion side. Of course, they are over the top fancy!  Honestly, I have the most difficult time picking out outfits for myself. I feel as if I don't have a very good sense of style. Yet, if I was a Disney princess, I would have much better options brought in by experts (such as my Fairy Godmother) instead of having to trust Walmart for my fashion needs.

5. In my wide experience with Disney movies, it seems as if Princesses do a lot of sleeping. If my main duties in life were sleeping and looking pretty, life would be absolutely perfect and simple. I do not believe there is anything in this world that I love more than sleep. Well, besides food but that doesn't matter right now. If I were a princess, I would probably love sleeping more than food since it seems to me that most of these chicks are awakened by a kiss from a smokin' hot prince. Yeah, food would definitely lose the battle if I had a Prince Charming alarm clock. ;)

 

 

(Technically she is dead here... well, in a way. But who cares! It can still be considered as resting time).

 

 

6. My life hasn't been so successful in the relationship department, as you all know. While I am certainly okay with that and being on my own, it would be nice to have a win every once in a while when it comes to love. As a Disney princess, I would be unstopable. Even when things look bleak, they always get their prince in the end. It doesn't matter if a sea witch has murder on her mind, or if your father really hates the guy you love and is about to kill him. As a Disney princess, success is inevitable. Even being jarred awake from eternal sleep is possible as Disney royalty. Where there is a will, there is definitely a way. Love is a main theme in these stories, so it has to happen anyway. You just can't fight it. Well, unless you're Meirda. But she doesn't want love and that's weird. Sooooo... I'm not counting her in this.

(Yeah, yeah... she's not a real princess but she is gosh darn funny in Princess and the Frog. Plus, this is exactly what I would look like if I was dancing with a prince. Therefore, it works.) 

 

7. Who wouldn't want to be royalty? Seriously. Nowadays, princesses may ultimately have to worry about ruling a country when crowned Queen, but besides that tiny fact, it has to be a very awesome life. As a princess, your desires would only be limited by your imagination. Nothing is out of your reach, unless for some reason you don't happen to have a room full of riches that your family accumulated. That would definitely put a damper on things...

 

Golden crowns and jewelry become your favorite accessories. Furniture that belongs to royalty is most likely the absolutely best and most comfortable furniture that there is. I mean, I have no idea if that is true or not, but it just has to be. Why on Earth would a Disney princess deal with uncomfortable furniture? You could punish those who have become your enemies just because you are the leader of the country. That doesn't make it right... but it could still be fun. You would never lack food, and it would always be cooked by personal chefs. You would never have to lift a finger.

 

If your heart so desired, your life could be one big party with a little bit of responsibility thrown in when you have to take care of the country.

 

Being royalty encourages laziness. And I'm okay with that.

 

 

8. In every Disney story, there is some kind of adventure to be had. The stories of Disney princesses are no exception, to every little girl's pleasant surprise! Ariel goes on a journey where she changes from mermaid to human and loses her beautiful voice. Though not on her own accord, Belle is forced into a journey when her father goes missing and ends up finding something more than her provincial life. Rapuzel takes a leap of faith and escapes her tower in order to find the floating lights. On this adventure she finds out that she is capable of a lot more than her "mother" gives her credit for.

 

I want adventure. I want to live a life worth living. Like Belle, I feel trapped by my circumstances. I know that I am meant to do a lot more than what I'm doing.... but unlike Belle, I don't believe I will have to worry about my father getting lost in the forest. Therefore, I'm at an impasse. Perhaps I don't want adventure enough... I believe that is the case. I've gotten into lazy habits so that makes it easy to miss adventure. That has got to change!!!

 

 

 

9. When you do catch Princess Charming, not only would you have every material thing that your little heart desires, but also a lifetime guarantee that you will always be happy. As a Disney princess, your story ends with 'And they lived happily ever after,' not 'And then she died of natural causes'. I'm pretty sure that because they are associated with Disney, these princesses are more magical than normal women in royalty. In fact, I'm pretty certain that they will never die. Every time I visit Disneyland, the princesses seem to never age. Either this is achieved by magic... or lots of plastic surgery. Who knows? For my sake, I'm just going to believe that Disney princesses live forever... Which is all the more reason to become one. Who wants to get old? I don't have time to deal with wrinkles or greying hair or whatever else comes with old age...

 

All I want is my happily ever after!!!