Life Coach Needed

HELLO.

I NEED A LIFE COACH.

OR A SLAVE.

OR SOMETHING!

There comes a time in every college kid's life where skipping meals becomes a regular habit as laziness begins to outweigh the need for food. All of you college aged kids who live on your own know what I am talking about, I'm sure. I must admit that a few months ago, I hit rock bottom and ended up living on canned peaches and corn for nearly three days. I'm pretty positive there are some of you out there who have lived on a lot less and more interesting food items than I, but the corn and peach fiasco was the end of the line for me. I enjoy food too much to limit myself like that and let laziness get the better of me. 

Even though I would rather not stock up on Top Ramen like the typical college student does, I don't exactly do much better when it comes to food. Unfortunately, I pretty much eat pasta and veggies every evening. Sure it takes a little longer and more effort to prepare but honestly, it's not that much more. Luckily it is a lot healthier than Ramen so I don't feel SO bad about my semi-laziness. I am just too lazy to cook real meals with chicken or sauces and spices. For me, that crosses the line and is way too much work. Plus, when I'm hungry, I'M HUNGRY. I don't want to wait thirty or forty minutes to feed my growling belly. In that amount of time I'd probably turn into a hungry, hungry hippo and wreak havoc on the biggest little city, destroying all of those who dare cross my path.

Now this laziness, although not as terrible as it could be, branches out to almost every other area of my life. Schoolwork, friendships... etc... I don't ever want to go out of my way to hang out with friends, though I do when I realize how much that hurts my attitude about life. Honestly, I could do a lot better and be more active. There are so many fun activities that I want to participate in but because of my fear of failure, I just curl up into the fetal position and start wasting the days away. Right now, if I didn't have SAI and church, I probably would be some sad little creature who went to school and work and then came home right away to dwell in the shadows, face covered with chocolate and a deer in the headlights kind of look when forced to associate with the other humans. 

I never used to feel this way. Before college, I would have my procrastination moments frequently but I usually cared too much to let things go unfinished. I almost never received a B in a class unless I absolutely did not understand (because I hated asking for help in order to get better) or if I thought the teacher hated me (I.E. English III Honors with Pongrekun. I am pretty sure those were the worst grades I have ever gotten in an English class... and I loved English before and after taking her class). For the latter, I just stopped trying after she made me feel dumb. My Freshman year of college was a lot more difficult than high school, in many respects, however I did well and nearly got all A's. I enjoyed the classes I was taking and I was learning so much even if the workload was stressful. I went through a lot of changes during the year such as: moving in with my dad and step mom, losing the big group of friends I had in high school and being forced to make new friends, and then also moving out on my own during my second semester of that year. It was loco crazy, to say the least, but definitely worth it!

Although it would seem that things have died down this year (in a way, at least), my attitude towards school and life and EVERYTHING is at many times not very appealing. I can get very negative and I have little motivation to do anything, as I've said before. I end up falling behind in my schoolwork and instead of trying to catch up, I let myself get discouraged and just give up. It is so unlike me that I've been taken over by a state of shock and can't seem to change, no matter how hard I try. Honestly, for a long time, I felt as if I was drowning in all the craziness. I desperately wish that Jullian Michaels or some awesome motivational speaker would just bust through my door one morning and help me get my life together. I was so lazy I couldn't even motivate myself.

That was, until the last few months. Sure, just recently I have been going through a tough time but unlike the beginning of this year, I feel as if things are going to get better. I have been trying to get back on top of the workload and though at times it seems as if I've taken one step forward and two steps back, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm ready to finish up this year on a high note and start feeling positive about my schooling again. I love learning and I'm ready to be a great student and prove to those around me that I am a wonderful role model and I can be successful. And I'd also like to show myself since at times I can be my worst critic. 

Tonight I am telling myself this: "You've got this, Nicole. Don't ever give up!!"

And I would like you to know that you can be successful. You can be happy. Though I may not know exactly who is reading this, I do know that you were created for a purpose. You can find people who support you and who want to see you do great things. You are loved. We are ALL worth something special and we should never ever forget that fact. :) Let's go out into the world and kick butt, okay?

OKAY. :)