I just want to bang my head against this keyboard.
Or sleep and never wake up.
Or maybe just eat my feelings away.
Of course, all three of those options would not end well nor would they be fulfilling in the long run. Although I know that, I still don't do anything differently in life to be successful. I am lazy, emotional and just a wreck. I am so excited for summer to arrive because honestly, I am just done with school. I don't know what is wrong with me but I haven't been able to get caught up with things around here. Well... actually, that's a lie. I do know what is wrong. I have terrible habits. TERRIBLE, terrible habits that keep me from being successful. These habits include: Procrastinating, procrastinating, and did I happen to mention, procrastinating?
Everyone procrastinates, sure, but this year I have taken it to an extreme level. I am not doing the best I could do, and quite frankly, that disappoints me. Though, I shouldn't dwell on that fact because in the long run, my performance in life doesn't matter. One of these days I will be gone and no one will remember my name... that is, unless I do something freakin' awesome. Which has always been my hope for life. I love attention but in the past year, I have realized that I don't want to do something that will highlight how great I am. I want to do great things that help other people, because that is truly the most fulfilling accomplishment.
In order to start working towards that greatness, I am going to get my life in order. It's time to organize, buy calendars and tap back into the slightly OCD behavior of my high school years. I'm going to have the summer of my life and appreciate the things that I have been blessed with in my life, because there are so many! I am no longer okay with being second best. I am going to be the best. For myself and for God. I've faltered so many times on my journey with Christ, and though that is understandable since I am an imperfect human, I am ready for a change. I am putting him at the center of my life, which is exactly He should be.
He is my strength.
He can do the impossible.
Through Him, anything is possible.
With His help, I can kick the bad habit of not caring and procrastinating. I can feel fulfilled because in all honesty, I have a great life. I am not being grateful about many things and that helps perpetuate my bad attitude. That then allows me to be lazy. I don't like it. I don't like it one bit. I'm tired of saying that I am going to change and then never do anything to change it. So... it's happening. Whether anyone approves or not.
This blog post is definitely all over the place and I apologize, but I needed to let all the feelings out. It has been fun and now I feel a lot better! Yay, blogs!
Try not to beat yourself up so much. You may have procrastinated a bit and fell behind here and there, but you still did better than a lot of people do. You showed up most of the time, and I assume you did well in all of your classes. There are people who just don't show up except for tests, end up failing, and then have to retake classes or drop out. That isn't to say that you shouldn't be more organized next semester, if that's what will make you happy, but just remember that you didn't really do all that bad. Next semester will be great for you as long as you want it to be.
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