Chocolate is the Only Thing That Could Fix This

(I wrote this a couple weeks ago... but it's still got some fun stuff to read. And a cool GIF, sooo I'm posting it.)

CHOCOLATE

IS THE ONLY THING THAT COULD FIX THIS

Yet again, I am on the verge of having a mental breakdown. This week started off on a much better foot than I thought it would, though there really was no reason for anything to go as well as it did. I was unprepared for the important events that week, and to be honest, I think that it was God keeping me calm that allowed my performances, tests, and all of the rest to go so well. Then when Thursday hit, it was time to say goodbye to my good mood. Granted, it was my own fault, but when everything is going your way, you hate to see it all abandon you so quickly.

Basically I was told to get my shit together by one of my teachers. (Please, excuse the language. And no it wasn't said in that way. My professor is much more articulate than I). At first, I was quite peeved at the way he brought it up in front of my classmates. It was embarrassing. Yet, as I've been able to let those words marinate my soul, I've realized that this is nothing but a pride issue. While I don't think I'm the worst student out there, I do know that when it comes to my schooling, especially in the music department, I've let my emotions get the better of me. People who are supposed to be my friends have hurt me, I've been insulted, I hate how selfish people can be in the department, and the list of other problems go on and on. Throughout the whole time I have been at the University, I have let other people steal my happiness, and I haven't allowed myself to get over any of it. When the going got tough, I shut down, stopped trying, and decided to coast. 

I've never really had to work very hard for the things that I've wanted. Really, it's all been handed to me on a silver platter since I have some intelligence and talent. That was, until I moved to Reno. I definitely wasn't in good ol' Elko, Nevada anymore, where I was easily one of the most talented people around. I realized that there was actual competition here, and the fact that I had to work on myself and couldn't just take the easy road towards success terrified me. It still discourages me at many points, to this day. Although I have overcome a lot of this fear, I'm still letting my emotions get the better of me.

Not only do I let my emotions get the better of me, I also fill every moment of every day with some activity or another. So by the time I get home and can actually get work done, I am too exhausted to even think about what I have to do for the next day. I merely want to curl up on the couch, eat some dinner, and laugh while watching Chuck. I don't want to deal with my thoughts, much less all of the tasks that I need to get done. I JUST WANT TO RELAX. :( Instead of enjoying my life and living each day to the fullest, I am always exhausted and my motivation levels aren't exactly where they should be.

To be successful, however, I cannot let these feelings get the better of me. As of right now, they are kicking my butt. Yet, it's not even close to the end of my rope, so there is still hope that I can kick this slump to the curve. I'm not quite sure how to really fix this problem, but I guess it's a trial and error type of deal. We shall see.