WHAT IS GOING WITH THE FLOW?
And how on Earth do I do it?
Okay.
It's not like you've heard about the issues I have with being normal so many times that you've begun to lose count. As we all know, that's a topic I have no interest in dwelling on.
Ha.
If only that were the truth. Then, perhaps, this blog would have a lot more followers.
Oh well.
Another day in the life of Nicole means another day full of uttering weird things that probably make zero sense in the minds of others. I must admit though, I keep even myself on tip toes with all of the silly things that come out of my mouth. However, to be quite honest, I don't believe that's a good thing.
Typically I am around my friends, so the words I say can easily be brushed aside, if too weird, or out of context. Yet lately, I have been spending time with people who make me nervous. The nervous feelings, in turn, cause me to say those odd things more frequently. And people who make me nervous are those with whom I do not spend much time, because well... they make me nervous. Isn't it obvious? These nerve-inducing folks can be anyone from someone I admire to a teacher that scares the pants off of me. I will not tell you which group of people I am dealing with, in case that person is reading. I don't want life to be even more awkward that it already is.
Which I'm pretty sure I've already failed at due to the fact that I included the sentence above.
Ugh.
Anyway, moving on! How in the world do I stop saying weird things? It's not that I don't want to be myself... I really, truly love myself and my quirks, but what I am dealing with isn't just me being silly. It's practically word vomit that cannot be stopped because my brain is not controlling it. In fact, I don't know what is controlling it. Perhaps someone is trying to sabotage my life, and therefore finds a way to put words into my mouth that I do not there. Yes, that makes perfect sense! I'm sure there is some kind of technology available that would allow it to be possible.
Or maybe I'm sabotaging myself? It seems to happen on a frequent basis, and the only variable that stays the same in these relationship equations happens to be me. Maybe subconsciously, I don't want to these people to respect me. Perhaps, deep down, I am so scared of them that I want them as far away from me as possible because I don't want to deal with the fact that they are challenging me to grow.
Nahhhh.... that's definitely not it! :P
Why is life so complicated and yet not complicated at the same time? Human emotions make everything ten times worse! If I could just not feel and become a success-seeking, awesome robot, then I'd be okay. I'm tired of this emotional roller coaster ride!
RANT OVER.
