Maiden Voyage

2011-11-30T20:22:00.000-08:00

Greetings and Salutations. I come to you from the land of insomnia. I am sure a lot of you are familiar with insomnia. It seems that this time of year, I am plagued by it. With so much going on in the world, who needs sleep anyway? *Raises Hand* Umm, I do.
So welcome to the maiden voyage of my blog. *Breaks a bottle of champagne on the computer* Isn't that supposed to be good luck on the maiden voyage of anything? I don't know, but I can say I hope they didn't break a bottle of champagne on the Titanic for luck. Yeah...
So I started this for a couple of reasons. First and foremost, I wanted a place to rant in order to keep my sanity. Whether anyone reads it or not, sometimes it helps to just let out the extra stuff that's clouding up your head. Maybe no one wants to hear it, maybe they do. That's not for me to worry about.
The second reason is I was, at some point in my life, a bit of a writer. I enjoyed writing things and (some) people enjoyed reading them. These days, I don't take time to put thoughts, or anything of that matter on paper. This blog is kind of a way to break that cycle and hopefully break the rut and maybe give me the initiative to write. I have a story in my head that I've been meaning to start for months. Maybe if I like writing on here, I can get back into the swing of things and actually write things down. This is just a start. This is just my jumping off point.
So, a little bit about myself. I've sort of always lived in this vicious cycle of living life on a whim so to speak. I am one day away from being 29 years old. I work at a nameless company, we will just say sales and to be quiet honest I'm terrible at it. I want to be good at it, but I have this little part of me that is scared of being pushy and mind screwing people into buying things.
I am sure that isn't what sales is all about to everyone. When I think about going into a random company and buying something, and every time I am just trying to leave the poor person at the counter is trying to talk me into something I have no desire or intention of buying. This is what I don't want to do to people. I don't want to be that person.
I had started building a loathing in my heart for the place, but in recent findings I discovered that my job happens to mean a lot to me. It's funny how that happens. You really don't know what you have until you could lose it. I suppose the thing is, I have to adapt to some sort of sales style. I see the people I work with more often than I see my own family in a lot of cases. I want them in my life. I don't want to have to hate that place forever and anything associated with it. I want to do better.
I have said that so many times in my life. I want to do better. I want to do better. I will do better. It's kind of like a twisted mantra because I say it over and over, yet my head is still full of doubt whether I am cut out to be more than mediocre at anything. I have a lot of growing to do, yes. To be honest for the first time in my life, I want to do better so bad it's keeping me awake at night.
Mostly, I want to do everything better for the benefit of my kids. I want them to always have what they want, as well as what they need. I do not aim to spoil them to death, but I do want them to look back when they are grown and say "My mom was a bit of all right." I want them to be proud of me. I want everyone to. I don't know if a job and sales would do all of that, but it sure as shit doesn't hurt anything.
So, I guess I have ranted enough for the first blog. I am going to try to go into work tomorrow with a positive outlook. I want the people there to know, I am out to conquer anything they throw at me. This won't be easy, but I am trying something new. Something that I have never ever done before. I am trying to believe in me.
That's all for now. I will attempt to update tomorrow to see how this thing goes. Wish me luck out there, I'm gonna need it.

Peace&Love,
Leslie

Desperately Seeking Sunshine

Maiden Voyage